An Englishman was flying across the Pacific on Delta/Northwest
and decided he had to go to the bathroom. So he got up and started
walking down the aisle, but just as he passed the plane door it
malfunctioned, opened and he was sucked out.
Miraculously he survived landing in the water and saw a tropical
island nearby. He swam to it, certain that he would soon be rescued.
However, fifteen years passed and no one came to his rescue.
Fortunately there was a spring on the island and he survived on
coconuts and fish.
Finally one day, as he was drawing sand pictures at the beach, he sees
a woman in a trim-fitting scuba outfit emerge from the ocean. She is
beautiful! She says, Are you Fred Quimby? He says, Why yes I am.
Congratulations, I am from Rescue Inc., and we have been attempting
to find you since you were lost. Now tell me, how long has it been
since youve had a smoke?
Well, of course its been about 15 years.
So she reaches down the front of her wet-suit on the left side and
pulls out a package of Players cigarettes. How in the world did you
know that my favorite brand was Players?
We have researched all of your preferences very carefully Fred, we
want to do a good job.
So as Fred is taking a deep, satisfying drag on his cigarette, the
rescuer says, And how long has it been since youve had a drink?
Well, thats fifteen years too. And so she reaches down inside the
wetsuit on the other side and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels.
How did you know that Jack Daniels was my favorite drink?
Well, Fred, as I said we have looked into all of those things too,
do you mind if I have a drink too?
No, of course not. And they both put a couple away.
Then, as she starts to peel off the wet suit she says, And tell me
Fred, how long has it been since youve played around?
Dont tell me youve got a set of golf clubs in there!