Old and New Jokes

Q: Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: What is black and blue and brown lying in a ditch?
A: A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.

Facts that all budding Male Software Engineers (MSE) must know regarding Female Software Engineers (FSE) (Applicable to all SEs who have 0-3 years of experience in S/W industry.)

1. The probability that a FSE is beautiful is 0.004562314 and viceversa.

2. The miniscule proportion of the beautiful FSEs are either engaged or married.

3. An FSE will always ask a doubt to which you know the answer; to the MSE sitting next to you.

4. You will not know the answer to the doubt an FSE asks you.

5. An FSE will always phone you when you are not in your seat.

6. The probability that an FSE will send you an e-mail regarding something other than work is 0.0321459.

7. An MSE will always select an FSE in an interview if he feels she is more beautiful than his colleague FSEs. The probability that the FSE will get thru in the second round is 0.

8. An MSE will always brag about a beautiful FSE he selected in an interview. The probability that he will receive swear words after the FSE failed in the second round is close to 99%.

9. An FSE will never select another FSE in an interview if she feels the candidate is more beautiful than her.

10. The number of MSEs behind a (Miss _your company_) FSE is exactly equal to the number of MSEs in your company. The question of her marriage/engagement doesnt arise here.

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help.Oh Lord, please help me, Ive lost my business and if I dont get some money, Im going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto.Well, lottery night arrived and somebody else won the prize. Joe again looked up and prayed … Oh Lord, please let me win the lotto! Ive lost my business, my house and Im going to lose my car as well!Again, lottery night came and went and Joe still had no luck. Once again, he prayed … Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me?? Ive lost my business, my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. I dont often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order!!Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the Lord himself: JOE, MEET ME HALFWAY ON THIS ONE … BUY A TICKET!

why did you come to look further ……..joke ended in subject.

A girl goes on a blind date.

The blind date hadnt been all that great, and she was relieved the evening was finally over.

At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, Hey! You wanna see my underwear?

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasnt wearing any underwear.

She glanced down and said, Nice design – does it also come in mens sizes?

An Ancient Greek man walks into a tailor and holds up a torn tunic. TAYLOR: Euripides? (You-rip-e-dees) MAN: Eumenedes?? (You-men-e-dees)

(Say it quickly, it works!)

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double wide trailer).

So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife didnt want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, I may not be the smartest man, but I dont see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama.

The doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldnt be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.

1,2,3,4,5…., at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Khomeini!
Khomeini who?
Khomeini old time for dinner!

Yo mama so fat, she sees the school bus go by and screams, Hey! Stop that Twinkie!

escape a burning
building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are
on the street below, holding a blanket for them to
jump into.The firemen yell to the Brunette, Jump! Jump! Its
your only chance to survive!The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the
blanket away…the Brunette slams into the sidewalk
like a tomato.Cmon! Jump! You gotta jump! say the firemen to
the Redhead.Oh no! Youre gonna pull the blanket away! says
the Redhead.No! Its Brunettes we cant stand! Were OK with
Redheads!OK says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The
firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is
flattened on the pavement like a pancake.Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof.
Again, the firemen yell Jump! You have to jump!No way! Youre just gonna pull the blanket away!
yelled the Blonde.No! Really! You have to jump! We wont pull the
blanket away!Look, the Blonde says, nothing you say is gonna
convince me that youre not gonna pull the blanket
away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket
down, and back away from it . . .