Old and New Jokes

Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?

A: Throw him a rock.

Scott Neugroschl

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, Hans Olaffsens Laundry.

Hans Olaffsen?, he muses. How the heck does that fit in here?

So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, How did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsens Laundry?

The old man answers, Is name of owner.

The tourist asks, Well, who and where is the owner?

Me, is right here, replies the old man.

You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?

Is simple, says the old man. Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, What your name?

He say, Hans Olaffsen.

Then she look at me and go, What your name?

I say, Sem Ting.

Q: How many Republican Presidential candidates from 1988 did it take to change a lightbulb?
A: (Haig) One. Snap to it, soldier!

Llega un compadre y le reclama al otro:

¡Oiga, pinche compadre! ¿Por qué anda diciendo que mi mujer tiene almorranas?

No, compadre, permítame aclararlo: yo no dije que tenía; yo dije que se sentía como que tenía.

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

Yo mama so fat that when she jumps in the ocean in California, a tsunami hits Japan.

Nice belt.

You know youre a redneck if youre part of the KKK, but you cant spell it.

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldnt drive.

No further testing is planned.

Yo mama nose so big that her neck broke from the weight!