HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked. Bring food/beer.
21
Dec
21
Dec
A funny joke appeared on YT.
21
Dec
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?
She yells, No, I wont sleep with you tonight!
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, Im sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, Im a graduate student in psychology and Im studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, What do you mean $200!?!
20
Dec
Yo mama so fat she looks like shes smuggling a Volkswagon!
20
Dec
The dying man gasped pitifully. Give me one last request, Lisa,he said. Of course, Richard, she said softly. Six months after I die, he said, I want you to marry Big Pete. But I thought you hated Big Pete, she said. With his last breath, Richard said, I do!
20
Dec
An old woman walks into a gun shop and says to the owner,
I need a big gun to shoot cans. The owner replies,
How about this small rifle? She says,No these are really big cans.
Well how about this medium sized rifle? She says,
No this are really big cans. Finally, frustrated, the owner says,
What type of cans are you going to shoot?
She replies, Oh, you know, Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Peurto Ri-cans!
20
Dec
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
A: Ones a busy ditch.
20
Dec
Yo mama is so fat that she uses the expressway as a slip and slide
20
Dec
[ believed to be original from my officemate Scott Wallace ]
We get hit up by door-to-door salespeople all the time, and they always
seem to miss the Absolutely no solicitors sign on the door. My
officemate put up a new sign:
To solicitors:
Please remove rings, watches, belt buckles, and other metal
objects before entering. Our pit bull has trouble digesting
such items. Thank you for your cooperation.
20
Dec
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.