Old and New Jokes

Q: Why do blondes wear tampons with long strings?

A: So the crabs can go bungee jumping!

[Ed: A JEDR is an generic acronym for a Joke Ethnic/Denomination/Race. It is
pronounced Jedder.]

A large oil field in Oklahoma suffers a disaster in the form of a huge rig
fire. The foreman, desperate to curtail the blaze, thumbs through the phone
book for Red Adairs number (Red is a famous oil-firefighter). Foreman finds
the number, calls, and is told that Red is unavailable, since hes fighting an
off-shore rig fire in Southern California.

Desperate, the foreman returns to the book and finds, listed under Red Adair,
a Red <suitable JEDR surname>, advertising rig fire services at $100 per
hour. Since this is CONSIDERABLY cheaper than Adair anyway, the guy calls and
describes the situation. He is assured that someone will be on the scene
within the hour.

True to his word, within 45 minutes the foreman sees a vehicle approaching the
scene of the blaze at top speed. As it gets closer, he notes that it is a
grungy 68 pickup, with a load of JEDRs in the back. Without slowing,
the pickup drives directly into the middle of the fire, everyone in the back
jumps out with soaking-wet blankets, and with intense screaming and running
around, proceed to beat out the fire completely.

Red approaches the foreman and gives him a bill for $100 (one hour minimum)
The foreman is so impressed, he offers him an additional $500 bonus for the
prompt and effective work. Man, this will REALLY help, says Red.

Oh? says the foreman. How so?

Now I can go buy brakes for the truck.

Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can definitely see myself in your pants tonight.

How did Moses part the Red Sea?

With a seesaw!

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Duh…. whats a lightbulb???

Ceremonioso, un agente del servicio secreto estadounidense se dirige al Presidente Bush:

Señor Presidente: ¡Las gemelas, las gemelas!

¡¿Qué?! ¡Otra vez tomando esas desgraciadas!

The phone call…



A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.



The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,

How should I know, thats 200 miles from here! and hung up.



Curious, the husband said, Who was that?



And his lovely wife replies, I dont any idea who it was.

It was some stupid woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.

These were located on the Net as feedback received from college students on various issues:

This class was a religious experience for me… I had to take it all on faith.
Text makes a satisfying thud when dropped on the floor.
The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree.
His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame.
Someone with a knowledge of English should proofread text.
Have you ever fallen asleep in class and awoke in another?
In class I learn I can fudge answers and get away with it.
Keep lecturer or tenure board will be shot.
The instructor would make a good parking lot attendant.
Text is useless; used it to kill roaches in my room.
In class the syllabus is more important than you.
Im convinced you can learn by osmosis by sitting in class.
Help! Ive fallen asleep and I cant wake up!
I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels.
He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high.
This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified, then solidarity kicked in.
Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose – spraying in all directions.
I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on tapes.
Text was printed on high quality paper.

Q: What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown?

A: Does this taste funny to you?

Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey.
His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors
to look carefully at his client.

Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, concluded the
lawyer, youve looked carefully at the defendant.

Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe
that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?

He was acquitted.