These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
127. Change the locks on the door. Dont let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate cant guess the secret word, make him/her pay a tithe.
Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A: Theyre refuelling.
There was this English Man, Scotch Man and an Irish Man going for a job interview.
They all had there induction exams, and where all called back one at a time.
The English man walks in first, and the interviewer says: Well, you past your exam with flying colours! But theres one thing I like about a man and thats honesty, so can you notice anything odd about me?
The English man looks and nods: Yes, youve got one ear on the top of your head, and one at the side of you head!
The interviewer was very pleased with the English mans honesty, and sent for the Scott. The interviewer goes through the same routine again and comes to the final question, and the Scott replies: well, youve got one ear on top of your head and another at the side of you head!
The interviewer again very pleased with the Sotts honesty sent for the Irish man. The interviewer precedes with the same rigmarole, and comes to the final question Can you notice anything odd about me?
The Irish man takes a long look at the interviewer opposite, Yes I can Sir! the Irish man answered You were contact lenses!
The interviewer amazed at his answer, How do you know that?
He asked, and the Irish man replied Well you couldnt get a pair of glasses on them ears!
Lots of things go on during Spring Break as the college students let off a little steam. This one student was arrested for indecent exposure in a field near the beach, and was appearing before a Judge.
I plead not guilty your honor, I only went there to get relieved. he testified.
Well, Im inclined to accept your explanation. said the Judge. I guess some allowances must be made for emergencies.
Thats true to a point, your Honor. said the arresting officer. But what about this young lady here who relieved him?
Two men, Dan and Pat, were having a heated argument.Dan: Why have you stopped playing cards with my sister? Pat: Well, would you play with someone who cheats all the time, is a poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards? Dan: No, I wouldnt. Pat: She wont either.
Why is it good that we now have female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wifes voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that theres acar going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!" "Its not just one car," said Herman, "Its hundreds of them!"
Joe was not a very romantic person, and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads.
He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife’s cup and said, Sugar, sugar? Joe thought this was great and continued to listen around the dining room.
Another table over Joe observed the following. A man spooned out some honey out of a bowl for his wife and asked, Honey, honey? Again Joe thought this was good stuff.
Finally, he cut off a piece of his meat, stared longingly into his young wife’s eyes and said, Ham, pig?
Q: What do you call an outhouse built on quicksand?
A: Trapper John
Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?
No, Im still alive.