Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasnt too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer.
Meanwhile, the lovers couldnt wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said, I take the next turn, right?
No way, get your own, said the groom, this ones all mine.
After no luck 2 hunter from the Bronx decided to get back to their car and go back to Ney York. Suddenly as they were walking 1 of the men callopsed, the other rushed checked his pulse, he was dead, the man pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911 the operator said okay the first thing to do is make sure hes dead. the man pulled out his rifle walked over and shot his friend in the head picked the cell phone and okay,now what?.
Q:WHY DID THE ELEPHANT SAID
TO THE DUCKGOOD THING YOU HAVE FLAT FEET THAT GO WITH MY FLAT FEET
A:SO THE ELEPHANT CAN STEP ON THE DUCKS FLAT FEET.
A fairy tale starts with Once upon a time.
A sea story starts with This is a no-sh*tter.
Why did santa claus go to jail?
he got caught laying barbie under the
christmas tree!
At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.
11. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows.
Once upon a time a humble crab fell in love with Princess Lobster and she with him. They enjoyed an idyllic relationship, but one day Princess Lobster came to Crab in floods of tears saying that King Lobster would not let her see Crab any more.
But why? gasped the humble crab.
Daddy says that crabs are too common, sobbed the princess. Youre a lower class of crustacean, and anyway, you walk sideways.
Crab was shattered and scuttled away to drink himself into forgetfulness.
That night was the occasion of the great Lobster Ball and lobsters came from far and near for feasting and merrymaking. Princess Lobster, however, sat by her fathers side inconsolable.
Suddenly, the doors flew open. It was the humble crab. Slowly, painstakingly, he made his way to the throne – walking dead straight, one claw after another. A silence gathered around the room. All the lobsters eyes fell on the intruder.
Step by painful straight step he approached until he looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally Crab spoke up:
F***, Im pissed!
A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.
The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye!! Downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go…Two bulls eyes!!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go with the last dart.
Three bulls eyes!!!
All are astounded. No one has ever won. The bartender searches for a prize… grabs a turtle from the bars terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.
Three weeks pass… The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.
The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesnt know what to give, and he asks the drunk Say, what did you win the last time?
And the drunk responds A roast beef sandwich on a hard roll!
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
150. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When youre not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
105. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, Okay, your turn.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com