Old and New Jokes

Weve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below.

GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?

BALLS is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, Youre next.

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

Customer: “Waiter! I asked for Alu Paratha but I find no potatoes in it!”

Waiter: “What’s in a name Sir! If you ask for Kashmir Pulav, will you expect to find Kashmir in it?”

Several years before the Gulf War, a female journalist did a story on
gender roles in Kuwait. She noted that there it was customary for
women to walk 10 feet behind their husbands.

After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that
now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives.

She interviewed a Kuwaiti woman, and one of the questions she asked
was, What enabled Kuwaiti women to achieve this role reversal?

The Kuwaiti woman replied, Land mines.

Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctors, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve…

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, I can do better than THAT!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

98. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

Its kinda cute, but can it pick up peanuts?

A Chinese and an American man were having a conversation.

The American said, In the States we have elections every fourth year. How about
you?

The Chisese man replied, Thats awful! I have an election almost evely
molning!

Joke found on http://www.avaruusmies.com

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.

The interviewer starts with the basics.

So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying Ehhhh… 22!

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.

And can you tell us your height, please?

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces Five foot two!

This isnt looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee wont have to count, measure, or lookup.

Just to confirm for our records, your name please?

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying MANDY!

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks –

What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?

Ohhhh, that! replies the airhead…

I was just running through that song –

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear…

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks youre stupid, stand up!"After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think youre stupid, Little Johnny?""No, maam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.

A neighbour lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, You should be hung!

To which he calmly replied, I am. Thats why she cuts the grass!