If you spread jelly along a cats back & drop it onto an expensive carpet, it must land on its feet and on its back at the same time to satisfy the currently held theories.
Murphys Paradox of Weightless Jellied Cats therefore states that the cat must become weightless, rise toward your face, and claw the living daylights out of you.
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
This was just posted to the newsgroup alt.config and most of the alt.sex newsgroups to propose creation of a new group alt.sex.oral. I think you might find it interesting.
Paul Robinson
The Greatest Philosopher in the World, maybe the Greatest who ever lived.
There has been some questioning as to why there isnt an alt.sex.oral newsgroup since almost every other sexually related practice has one of its own.
There is quite a bit of interest in this subject, as it has gotten a lot of tongues wagging about it.
It is a subject of very hot debate, and considerable jawing and movement of mouths.
It has been known to raise a significant response in men, and a smaller response in women. Perhaps women are more open to this subject.
It is a subject of considerable interest from many angles, as much as 21 (degrees) reduced from 90.
It is often enjoyed by more than one person, as some people find that the performance of this act is as enjoyable as having it performed upon them, sort of like massages. In fact, it may be of interest to fat people, who like to eat, or swallow things.
Rather than let this go to a head, I propose to expose this meaty situation to alt.config and see if it receives the attention it deserves.
Interest in it is sometimes up and down, as peoples heads have different positions on the issue. Some being higher up than others, or busy and cant discuss it because their mouth is full because they cant talk while theyre eating, or because they are on their knees, in a position to pray for deliverance, I suppose.
Its a subject of a veritable explosion of interest, and has been known to generate strong, penetrating emotions, sometimes watered down or flooded discussions, and lots of controversy from those who support or oppose this issue.
In the absence of serious objection, I plan to create this group next week, e.g. in 7 days.
Those receiving this who cannot read newsgroups may post comments in response to this message by mailing it to the following address:
alt-config@cs.utexas.edu
Thank you for your consideration.
Sex is the most practical and funniest (full of fun) ways of losing weight.
Look how many calories you can burn:
Taking Off The Clothes
With her agreement12 cal
Without her agreement187 cal
Taking Off The Bra
With both hands8 cal
With one hand12 cal
With one hand being slapped37 cal
With the mouth85 cal
Putting On The Condom
With erection6 cal
Without erection315 cal
Preliminaries
Trying to find the clitoris8 cal
Trying to find G spot92 cal
Without caring at all0 cal
When Doing It
Holding her up12 cal
Just on the floor8 cal
Positions
Daddy-mummy12 cal
69 laying8 cal
69 standing up112 cal
Trolley216 cal
Italian chandelier912 cal
Having An Orgasm
Real112 cal
Fake315 cal
Post Orgasm
Staying in bed18 cal
Jumping off the bed36 cal
Explaining why she jumped off the bed816 cal
Getting The Second Erection
Between 16 and 19 years of age12 cal
From 20 to 2936 cal
From 30 to 39108 cal
From 40 to 49324 cal
From 50 to 59972 cal
Over 602916 cal
Putting On The Clothes
Quietly32 cal
Being in a hurry98 cal
With her husband opening the door1218 cal
Un dÃa, al borracho del pueblo le da por entrar a misa cuando el cura está en lo mejor del sermón. Como el beodo entra haciendo escándalo, el sacerdote le reprende:
¡Mira que por tu culpa ya perdà el hilo del sermón!
Raudo, el temulento se levanta; cierra la puerta de la iglesia y grita:
De aquà nadie sale hasta que no le devuelvan el hilo al cura.
This wife has been married for seven years and has
six kids and is tired of being pregnant. So, she goes
to talk to her priest, the priest tells her to go and
by a ten gallon bucket and stick her feet in it of a night,
she thanks him and goes off to do as he says.
Well six months later the priest sees her and sure enough
she is pregnant again. The priest asks her if she followed
his instructions, she said yes but that she could not find
a ten gallon bucket so she bought two five gallon buckets.
Idiot #1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right away.
Idiot #2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Idiot #3
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said, Because I dont believe you are over 21. The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didnt believe him. At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Idiot #4
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop, nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, Nobody move! When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Idiot #5
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that hed just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
Idiot #6
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldnt open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they werent available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Idiot #7
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag. While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasnt the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said OK and left. He was arrested few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Idiot #8
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained a picture of handcuffs.
What would happen if two men and a woman are marooned on an island. If they are:
Spanish: One of the men will kill the other.
Italian: The woman will kill one of the men.
British: The men will fall for one another and ignore the woman.
French: No problem, menage a trois.
Swiss: Nothing will happen, the men will talk shop.
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. Theyll never catch me, he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. What in hell am I doing? he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. Ive had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I dont feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I havent heard before you can go! he said. Last week my wife ran off with a cop, the man said, and I was afraid you were trying to give her back! Have a nice night, said the officer.
The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip!