Old and New Jokes

A farm boy was drafted. On his first furlough, his Father asked him what he thought of Army life.

Its pretty good Dad. The foods not bad, the works easy but best of all, they let ya sleep real late in the morning.

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

There were three golfers.

One golfer hit the ball and it went in the water. He walked over to the edge and stuck his golf club into the water. The water parted and the golfer hit his ball onto the green.

The second golfer hit his ball. It also splashed into the water. The golfer walked onto the water, found his the ball, placed it next to the water hazard and hit it onto the green.

As you may have guessed, the first golfer was Moses, and the second golfer was Jesus.

The third teed off. The ball soared through the air and it too was headed for the water.

However, just before the ball went in the water, a fish jumped up and grabbed the ball in its mouth.

As the fish was about to go back into the water, a eagle grabbed the fish and started to fly away.

Then, as the eagle flew over the green a big flash of lightning hit the eagle.

Well, the eagle dropped the fish and as the fish fell on the green, the ball rolled out of his mouth and into the hole.

Then Jesus shouted, Dad! If you do that again,Im going to stop inviting you to play golf with us!

Estaba la mujer maravilla estrenando su casa e invita a todos los super héroes.

A la una de la mañana todo el mundo estaba borracho, en eso sale la mujer maravilla al balcón y se encuentra sentado en un rincón a Flash, y le dice:

¿Qué haces ahí sentado si todo el mundo está disfrutando de la fiesta?

Entoces él le responde diciendo:

Creí que eran mis amigos y todo ha sido mentira…

¿Por qué dices eso?

Porque cuando me estaba yendo al baño escuché que Batman le decía a Robin: Oye Robin tomémonos una foto, pero sin Flash…

Satan tells them Whoever can do the most horrible deed can go up to Heaven. But you must drink from this fountain to get back on Earth. So the first guy drinks from the fountain, goes to Earth and kills somebody. He comes back and tells Satan. The second man drinks from the fountain, goes to Earth and robs an orphanage. He goes back to Satan and tells him what hes done. Finally, Satan points to the third man and says You may go to Heaven. The first man and the second man are both outraged. How could you get any worse than what we did? Easy said the third man, I pissed in the fountain.

With a dog, you feed him, you give him plenty of affection, you take him for walks and he thinks, Wow, this guy must be a god.

With a cat, however, you feed him, you love him, you care for him and he thinks, Wow, I must be a god.

Q:what do you catch when you go ice fishing





A:a cold

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Rufus!
Rufus who?
Rufus leaking and Im getting wet!

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

194. Spend hours in your room on personal hygiene. Spend at least an hour a day clipping your nails, another hour combing your hair, yet another hour washing your face and hands, etc.

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby.

Stop! You cant do this! exclaimed the brother.

And why not? asked Stan. Dont you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?

Stan said nothing.

The brother grew impatient, Cmon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle.

Stan couldnt take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, Youre SURE you want a nephew?

Yes, the brother replied. It would be an honor!

Well congratulations, youre holding him!