If your toddler has more teeth than you, you might just be a redneck.
11
Aug
11
Aug
Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesnt tell you how to have relations with the opposite sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They dont force beer on minors who cant think for themselves.
6. When you have a beer, you dont knock on peoples doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobodys ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of beer.
4. You dont have to wait 2000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying beer labels cant lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If youve devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.
11
Aug
Q: What will you call a sardaarji who is under water all the time?
A: Jalandhar Singh
Q: What will you call a sardaarji if he is the only sardaar alive?
A: Justonesingh (Jashwant Singh)
11
Aug
What goes up when you count down?
A Rocket Ship!
11
Aug
Three proofs Jesus was jewish:
He went into his fathers business.
He lived at home until the age of 33.
He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was god.
Three proofs Jesus was irish:
He never got married.
He never held a steady job.
His last request was for a drink.
Three proofs Jesus was Puerto Rican:
His first name was Jesus.
He was always in trouble with the law.
His mother did not know who his real father was.
Three proofs Jesus was italian:
He talked with his hands.
He took wine with every meal.
He worked in the building trade.
Three proofs Jesus was black:
He called everybody brother.
He had no permanent address.
Nobody would hire him.
Three proofs Jesus was from California:
He never cut his hair.
He walked around barefoot.
He invented a new religion.
11
Aug
A blonde woman came home from work one day only to find her boyfriend in bed with another woman. Devastated, she pulled a gun out of her drawer and held it to her head, threatening to commit suicide. Her boyfriend yelled,No, honey, dont do it! Im sorry!To which the blonde replied,Shut up – youre next!
11
Aug
The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:
Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?
After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered –
I guess youd be eating alone!
11
Aug
The following was told to me by a fellow Morris Man, who claims that
it is true and that it was related to him by a teacher at Melbourne
Grammar.
The teacher has set the class an assignment. He stresses the
importance of the particular assignment, and that no excuses will be
accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in
the immediate family (with a note from that member).
A smart-ass student pipes up: What about extreme sexual exhaustion,
sir?
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher
responds with:
Well, Jones, I guess youll have to learn to write with your other
hand.
10
Aug
Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? So he could run his fingers through his hair!
10
Aug
1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape.
5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
6. The glass in windows – even double pane – cannot stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, its already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A young child can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Small Legos will successfully pass through the digestive tract of a six-year-old.
11. Play-Doh and microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is permanent.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still cant walk on water.
14. VCRs will not spontaneously eject PB&J sandwiches
15. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
16. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.
17. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
18. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not taste or smell better baked.
19. The spin cycle on the washing machine does make earthworms squirm.
20. Making a cat dizzy will cause it to spit up twice its body weight.