Knock Knock
Whos there?
Wilma!
Wilma who?
Wilma lunch be ready soon?
12
Apr
12
Apr
A cat and a mouse died on the same day and went up to Heaven. At the top they met God and he asked them How do you like it so far?
The mouse replied Its great, but can I get a pair of roller skates? God said Sure, and he gave him a pair of roller skates.
The next day God saw the cat and asked him How do you like it up here so far? and the cat replied Great, I didnt know you had meals on wheels up here!
12
Apr
Kilroy was here
12
Apr
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, Mom, look at this, and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, Mommy is gonna eat your fingers! pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face.
I said, Whats wrong honey?
Sad and broken up she looked at me and said –
Mommy, wheres my booger?
11
Apr
Un dÃa, un rico atraviesa el bosque de Sherwood y Robin Hood le intercepta:
¡Soy Robin Hood, le quito a los ricos para darle a los pobres!
Y le quita el dinero. Después de una hora pasa un pobre, y Robin le da el dinero. El pobre, atónito, exclama:
¡Soy rico, soy rico!
Entonces se regresa Robin Hood y le advierte:
¡Soy Robin Hood, le quito a los ricos para darle a los pobres!
11
Apr
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!
The golfer, annoyed, says, What is it?
Its a special golf ball, says the salesman. You can never lose it!
Whattaya mean, scoffs the golfer, you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?
No problem, says the salesman. It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.
Well, what if you hit it into the woods?
Easy, says the salesman. It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.
Okay, says the golfer, impressed. But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?
No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! Im telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!
The golfer buys it at once. Just one question, he says to the salesman. Where did you get it?
I found it.
11
Apr
The longest word you can spell without repeating a letter: uncopyrightable.
The longest word with just one vowel: strengths
The only English word with a triple letter: goddessship
The word with the longest definition in most dictionaries: set
The shortest -ology (study of) word: oology (the study of eggs.)
Of is the only word in which an f is pronounced like a v.
11
Apr
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
What are you doing? his mother asked.
The box says you cant eat them if the seal is broken, the boy explained. Im looking for the seal.
11
Apr
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want.
The Russian begins thinking, Well, I really like drinking vodka. Finally the Russian says, I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me piss vodka.
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and its clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, Natasha, Natasha, come quickly! She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.
The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka. His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.
The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, But Boris, why do we need only one glass?
Boris raises the glass and says, Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle!
11
Apr
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders,
using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:
Red…………cherry,
Yellow…….lemon,
Green………lime,
Orange…….orange,
Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers.
After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.
Well, he said, Ill give you all a clue; Its what your mother may
sometimes call your father.
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and yelled:
Oh, my God! Theyre assholes!!!