A guy farted oops!
20
Mar
20
Mar
Q: What is the blondes chronic speech impediment?
A: She cant say No.
20
Mar
The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the
private businesses that they were protecting. Feeling the heat from
the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job ; if he
were to get caught, he wouldnt be able to communicate to the police
what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets
greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia
soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods
after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The
deaf collector cant communicate with them, so the mafia drags the guy
to an interpreter.
The mafia hood says to the interpreter, Ask him where da money is.
The interpreter signs,Wheres the money?
The deaf replies, I dont know what youre talking about.
The interpreter tells the hood,He says he doesnt know what youre
talking about
The hood pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector.
NOW ask him where the money is.
The interpreter signs, Where is the money?
The deaf replies, The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park.
The interpreters eyes light up and says to the hood,
He says he still doesnt know what youre talking about, and doesnt think
you have the balls to pull the trigger.
19
Mar
A woman went to the doctors office, where she was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and told her to go relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, Whats the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, Does she still have the hiccups?
19
Mar
Q. Why did God give man a penis?
A. So wed have at least one way to shut a woman up!
Q. What are the small bumps around a womans nipples for?
A. Its Braille for suck here.
Q. Whats the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
A. Lipstick.
Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They cant stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Q. Whats the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q. How is a women like a condom?
A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q.Whats the difference between a 90s woman and a computer?
A. A 90s woman wont accept a three and a half inch floppy.
19
Mar
How do you know if youre in love, lust, or marriage?
Love When your eyes
meet across a crowded room.
Lust When your tongues meet
across a crowded room.
Marriage When your belt wont
meet around your waist, and you dont care.
Love When intercourse
is called making love.
LustAll other times.
Marriage Whats
intercourse?
Love When you argue
over how many children to have.
Lust When you argue over who
gets the wet spot.
Marriage When you argue over
money.
Love When you share
everything you own.
Lust When you think twice about
giving your partner bus money.
Marriage When the bank owns
everything.
Love When it doesnt
matter if you dont climax.
Lust When the relationship is
over if you dont climax.
MarriageWhats a
climax?
Love When you phone
each other just to say Hello.
Lust When you phone each other
just to organize sex.
Marriage When you phone each
other to find out what time your sons game starts.
Love When you write
poems about your partner.
Lust When all you write is your
phone number.
Marriage When all you write are
checks.
Love When you show
concern for your partners feelings.
Lust When you couldnt give a
shit.
Marriage When your only concern
is whats on TV.
Love When your
farewell is I love you darling.
Lust When your farewell is So,
same time next week?
Marriage When your farewell is
silent.
Love When you are
proud to be seen in public with your partner.
Lust When you only ever see
each other in the bedroom.
Marriage When you never see
each other awake.
Love When your heart flutters every time you see them.
Lust When your groin twitches every time you see them.
Marriage When your wallet empties every time you see them.
Love When nobody else
matters.
Lust When nobody else
knows.
Marriage When everybody else
matters and you dont care who knows.
Love When all the
songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust When its just the same
mushy old shit.
Marriage When you never listen
to music.
Love When breaking up
is something you try not to think about.
Lust When staying together is
something you try not to think about.
Marriage When just getting
through today is your only thought.
LoveWhen youre
interested in everything your partner does.
LustWhen youre only
interested in one thing.
MarriageWhen youre not
interested in what your partner does and the one thing youre
interested in is your golf score
18
Mar
If its true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.
18
Mar
A: To the retail store.
18
Mar
You cut a hole in the ice and line the hole with peas. When the polar
bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
18
Mar
(This is from rrm!waynef, he sent it to me…)
Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey was busted for drug smuggling at the airport?
Seems she bent over and someone saw fifty pounds of crack…
Bill Kennedy …{cbosgd,rutgers,ihnp4!petro}!ssbn!bill or bill@ssbn.WLK.COM