Old and New Jokes

17. There is no I in teamwork. But there is in management kiss-up.

16. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

15. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

14. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.

13. If you think were a bad company, you should see the competition.

12. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings–they did it by killing all those who oppose them.

11. We put the k in kwality.

10. 2 days without a human rights violation.

9. Your job is STILL better than asking, You want fries with that?

8. We build great products when we feel like it and dont have any reason to call in sick.

7. If at first you dont succeed, try management.

6. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

5. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

4. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.

3. If at first you dont succeed, delegate it.

2. Plagiarism saves time.

1. Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.

A sardar boarded a train. Suddenly he felt a necessity to use the toilet. He entered the toilet and saw his reflection in the mirror, which was right opposite the door. Thinking it to be another sardar, he excused himself, and went to wait outside. When after some time he re-entered the toilet, he saw the same sardar again, seeing this, he again excused himself.

This went on for about an hour, and now sardarji were in great trouble, suddenly he saw a sardar TTC, and he thanked god for his help, and went to the TTC. He told the TTC his trouble. TTC assured him that he would do all he could to help a fellow sardar, and entered the toilet.Then he came back and told the sardar, Sorry, cant help you. He is a staff member!

A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:

– You are a very good girl, whats your name?

– My name is Eve, daddy …

A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up crossing the room to close the door to his room.

Three presidents and Bill Clinton are in Air Force One. The engines start to die and the plane starts to go down. The pilot comes out and says there is only one parachute I will stay and die for my country but the rest of you will have to decide who’s going to jump and who will live. So the first general jumps out the back and yells, “I did it for my country”! The second general jumps out and says, “I did it for my country”! Now the third general pushes Bill Clinton out the window and says, “I did it for my country”!

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

A: Theyre doing research on black holes.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?

A: Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

A Welshman an Englishman and a Irishman were being chased by Farmer Giles with a shotgun. After 10 minutes of running they spotted a barn and ran inside. Once inside they each hid in a old sack against the barn wall. The farmer went into the barn but did not see where they went, he was about to turn back when he saw three suspicious looking sacks. He walked forward and prodded the first sack with his gun. The Englishman inside said…Meow. "Just cats," he thought.He then prodded the second sack. The Welshman, hearing how the Englishman got off said….woof. "Just dogs," he thought. As he walked towards the last sack, the Irishman worked out what he was going to say. As soon as the farmer prodded his sack he said…..potatoes!

Mondays

8:00 – Husseinfeld

8:30 – Mad About Everything

9:00 – Suddenly Sanctions

9:30 – The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show

10:00 – Allah McBeal

Tuesdays

8:00 – Wheel of Terror and Fortune

8:30 – The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right

9:00 – Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things

9:30 – Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers

10:00 – Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

Wednesdays

8:00 – U.S. Military Secrets Revealed

8:30 – Bowling For Food

9:00 – Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread

9:30 – Just Shoot Everyone

10:00 – Veilwatch

Thursdays

8:00 – Matima Loves Chachi

8:30 – M*U*S*T*A*S*H

9:00 – Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils

9:30 – My Two Baghdads

10:00 – Diagnosis: Heresy

Fridays

8:00 – Judge Laden

8:30 – Funniest Super 8 Home Movies

9:00 – Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionaire

9:30 – Achmeds Creek

10:00 – No-witness News

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old mans face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.

What do you want? he asked.

Do you have any tobacco? asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.

Go faster! said the passenger. I dont want to see him again! So the driver pushed the spedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.

Do you have a light? said the old mans face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.

Drive faster! said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns. What do you want from us? screamed the passenger.

The old man gently replied You jackasses want some help getting out of the mud?