13
Nov

Un da el coronel le

Un día el coronel le dice al comandante: Mañana a las nueve y media habrá un eclipse de sol, hecho que no ocurre todos los días. Que formen los soldados en el patio, en traje de campaña, para presenciar el fenómeno. Yo les daré las explicaciones necesarias. En caso de que llueva, que formen en el gimnasio.

A sus órdenes mi coronel.

El comandante da la orden al capitán y le dice: Por orden del señor coronel, mañana, a las nueve y media, habrá un eclipse de sol. Según el señor coronel si llueve no se verá nada al aire libre; entonces, en traje de campaña, el eclipse tendrá lugar en el gimnasio, hecho que no ocurre todos los días.

A sus órdenes mi comandante.

Y el capitán le dice al teniente: Por orden del señor coronel, mañana, a las nueve y media, inauguración del eclipse de sol en el gimnasio. El señor coronel dará las órdenes oportunas de si debe llover, hecho que no ocurre todos los días. Si hace buen tiempo, el eclipse tendrá lugar en el patio.

A sus órdenes mi capitán.

Más tarde, el teniente le dice al sargento: Mañana, a las nueve y media, por orden del señor coronel, lloverá en el patio del cuartel. El señor coronel, en traje de campaña, dará las órdenes en el gimnasio para que el eclipse se celebre en el patio.

A sus órdenes mi teniente.

Seguidamente, el sargento le dice al cabo: Mañana, a las nueve y media, tendrá lugar el eclipse del señor coronel en traje de campaña por efecto del sol. Si llueve en el gimnasio, hecho que no ocurre todos los días, se saldrá al patio.

A sus órdenes mi sargento.

Finalmente, el cabo se dirige a los soldados: Mañana, a eso de las nueve y media, parece ser que el sol eclipsará al señor coronel en el gimnasio. Lástima que esto no ocurra todos los días.

13
Nov

A las 4:00 a.m., un

A las 4:00 a.m., un borracho llega a un edificio enorme y ve la ingente cantidad de botones que tiene el intercomunicador. Titubeante, presiona uno de los botones y cuando una mujer responde, con tartajosa voz pregunta:

Oye ¿tú eres casada?

Sí, soy casada, contesta enojada.

¿Y tu esposo esta ahí?

Sí y es karateca. ¿Quieres que lo despierte?

¡No, no, no, disculpe usted!, farfulla asustado el temulento.

Oprime otro botón y cuando le contestan se apresura:

Oye, mi amor, ¿tú eres casada?

¡Sí, soy casada!, responde furiosa y con voz adormilada.

¿Y tu marido está ahí?

Sí, si está. Él es boxeador. ¿Por qué? ¿Quiere que lo despierte?

¡No, no, no, perdón!

Toca nuevamente el intercomunicador. Cuando alguien contesta el borrachín insiste:

Oye, mi vida, ¿tú eres casada?

Sí, si soy casada.

¿Y tu marido está ahí contigo?

No, él no está.

Entonces, ¿puedes hacerme un favor?

¿Cuál?, pregunta extrañada.

¿Podrías bajar a ver si soy yo?

13
Nov

A geologists song 04

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland
(Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz

Convections cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and flood basalts the land did drown,
And clastics coarse fell all around, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

Iapetus began to spread, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Detritus from thy coast was shed, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Thy slope was draped, so proud and great, with massive banks of carbonate,
Grand bank to meet so sad a fate, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

For flysch encroaching from the east, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Devoured thy margin like a beast, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
The ocean floor was raised on high, its mafic head reared to the sky;
Its chromous threat was drawing nigh, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

Your once-proud bank was bowing down, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Subduction did thy margin drown, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
The angry mantle did desire to smother thee with ash and fire,
And close Iapetus entire, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

The island arc with fiery breath, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Did shower all the land with death, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Until subductions starving throat, on Grenville crust was made to choke,
The tyrants rule collision broke, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

The land subsided in its pain, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Olistostromes in chaos reigned, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Then in Caradoc time there came a shale everywhere the same
That blanketed thy wounds and shame, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

Behold! Upon thy ancient shore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
A landmass was annealed once more, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Alas! Thy trials go on and on, for rifting struck the Avalon –
The cycle must repeat anon, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

13
Nov

Top 10 fun things to do at a bowling alley

Hide behind the pins, stick your head up laughing hysterically.
When ever a strike X appears on the screen, start yelling about how this is a Black Panther conspiracy.
Bring Zippo fluid, light the pins on fire.
Pray to the pins, leave sacrifices.
Sit in your lane and heckle others with a bullhorn.
Bring a dartgun. Be inventive.
Wrestle with your ball. (WWF Style) Ask someone to ref.
Walk around asking people why they are here. Do this the whole night.
Trip EVERY member of the opposing team, trip your team, trip everyone.
Even if you miss totally – At the top of your lungs scream STEEEEEERIKE.

12
Nov

Q: How many Pentium

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 586 of them, and it will take them a year from the moment you convince them that the lightbulb is not functioning per the spec.

12
Nov

The Diagnosis!

There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion.



She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex doctor, named Dr. Chang.



She asked Dr. Chang, Doctor, please help me find out whats wrong with me!



So Dr. Chang said, Take off all yu cwothes. So she did.

Then he said, Now, get on yu hands and knees and crawl weal fas away frum me, den craw weal fas back to me. So the young lady did.



Dr. Chang looked at her said, I know what wong with yu…

Yu got weal bad case of Zachary disease!



The lady asked, What the heck is that?!



Dr. Chang replied, Dats wen yu face lok zachary like yur butt!

12
Nov

8 things women wont say

8. What do you mean todays our anniversary?

7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? Id rather just watch TV.

6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!

5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? Im tired of being just friends

4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

3. Aww, dont stop for directions, Im sure youll be able to figure out how to get there.

2. I dont care if its on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.

1. Hey, pull my finger!

10
Nov

Q: How many Heisenbergs

Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you know how many, you cant know if theyve done it yet.

10
Nov

Dribble Martini

A lady stumbles into a bar. She says, Beertender, give me a dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it.

He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and put a pickle in it. He gives it to her, and she drinks it down.

She says, Beertender, give me another dribble martuni, and you better put two pickles in it, because..because Ive got heartburn.

The bartender says, Look, lady…its not beertender, its bartender. Its not a martuni, its a martini. Its not a dribble, its a double. Thats not a pickle, its an onion. And you havent got heartburn, You have your left tit in the Ashtray!

10
Nov

In the Emergency Room

A guy shows up at the emergency room with a golf club wrapped around his head.

The doctor asks the guy how this came to be…

I was playing at that new course out in the country. Because of the only bad tee shot Ive made in my life, my ball ended up in the cow pasture. While I was out there looking for it, some fat broad hit her ball into the same place.

So were both out there searching, and shes swearing like she just invented it and beating the hell out of the forage with her club. I find a ball. She claims its hers, and we end up continuing to search for the other one while she bitches and I listen. Finally, I know Ive looked everywhere except where some real cows are standing.

So I pick up the cows feet one by one, but theres no ball under a cow. Now theres only one other chance. I lift up the biggest cows tail, and sure as hell, theres a golf ball! When I turned to the fat broad, the ball fell out. I pointed under the tail and said Does that look like yours?