Varias personas se detienen frente a un edificio de apartamentos atraÃdos por los gritos que vienen del balcón del séptimo piso. Se observa que un hombre trata de tirar para abajo a una anciana. La vieja se agarra con las últimas fuerzas de la baranda y grita. La gente empieza a protestar:
¡Suelta a la pobre mujer! ¡Asesino!
El hombre del balcón vocea:
Es mi suegra.
Un minuto de silencio. Luego un hombre de la multitud comenta:
¡Miren cómo se agarra esa desgraciada!
How is sex like air?
Its no big thing unless you arent getting any.
In a military training camp some recruits get educated in parachuting. After
some weeks of training on the ground they have to do their first jump.
Before the jump the instructor recalls, You leave the air plane, count till
three and pull the cord. The parachute should open then. If it does not, pull
the emergency cord. Then the emergency parachute will open. On the ground there
is a lorry waiting. We will meet on the lorry again. Good luck!
The first recruit jumps, counts till three and pulls the cord. Nothing happens.
He pulls the emergency cord. Nothing happens. The recruit is not surprised and
says, As far as I know the army, I bet the lorry will not be there, either.
Q: How many Alaskan men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Oh, none … they just have one of their girlfriends do it. [bitter laugh]
An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good nights sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, Dont touch me.
Why not, he asks. She answers back, Because Im dead.
The husband says to her, What are you talking about? Were both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.
The wife says, No, Im definitely dead.
Her husband insists, Youre not dead. What in the world makes you think youre dead?
His wife answers, I know Im dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!
>Recibà tu carta y me sorprendió qué, pen-
sándolo bien eres muy tonto y por eso te
>dejo. Te imaginaste que me ibas a co-
nvencer, más yo valgo mucho como mu-
>jer. Espero que tú comprendas que for-
malizar estas relaciones asÃ, nunca nos podrÃamos comu-
>nicar asà como asà no se puede.
>Asà mismo te hago saber que no soy tan pu-
ritana, pero no soy tampoco ninguna ton-
>ta. Mis hermanas me dijeron que tu ver-
dadera intención hacia nosotras no nos hala-
>ga, es muy escasa y no sirve para for-
mar un hogar. Eso te lo quiero comu-
>nicar las veces que yo desee.
>Yo quiero un hombre fuerte, que sepa cu-
idar de mà y que posea amor fami-
>liar todos los dÃas y en varias posi-
bilidades de triunfar en la vida en situa-
>ciones por difÃciles que sean. Creo que co-
nocer la dicha conyugal que deseamos toda mu-
>jer es lo más importante de la vida.
Tu ex.
(Ahora lee solamente los renglones con >)
How did the blonde die while ice fishing?
Mister, why doesnt this cow have any horns? asked the young lady from a nearby city.
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, Well, maam, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keepem trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young uns by puttin a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow dont have no horns, maam, is cause its a horse.
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, No way, pal. I dont think you can pay for it.
Youre right, the guy says. I dont have any money, but if I show you something you havent seen before, will you give me a drink?
You have a deal, my friend, says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin music. The hamster can really play…
Youre right… Ive never seen anything like that before, says the bartender. That hamster is really gifted.
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
Will that be cash or another miracle, pal? asks the bartender.
Watch this, replies the guy. Again, he reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog starts to sing. The frog has a marvellous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.
A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.
Its a deal, says the guy. He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.
Are you some kind of nut? asks the bartender. You sold a singing frog for $300? It could have been worth millions. You must be crazy.
Not Really, the man replies, You see, the hamster is also a ventriloquist
Se encuentra un joven en el confesionario. Padre, resulta que hace cuatro dÃas fui a visitar a mi novia, pero mi novia no estaba. Estaba su madre, estaba sola, estaba yo solo, estaba la casa sola, estábamos los dos solos, padre, y he pecado.
Está bien, hijo mÃo, estás perdonado.
Si padre, pero aún no he terminado. Fui al otro dÃa a ver a vi novia, pero tampoco estaba; estaba su tÃa, estaba sola, estaba yo solo, estaba la casa sola, estábamos los dos solos, padre, y he pecado.
El cura le repite, está bien hijo, estás perdonado.
Si padre, pero aún no he terminado. Después, al otro dÃa, fui a visitar a mi novia; estaba mi novia, estaba sola, estaba yo solo, estaba la casa sola, estabamos los dos solos, padre, y he pecado.
Como no escucha al religioso contestarle, sale del confesionario diciendo: padre, padre, y mira hacia el techo y ve al cura trepado en una lámpara.
¿Padre, qué hace usted ah�, le interroga.
El sacerdote le contesta: estoy yo solo, estás tú solo, está la iglesia sola, estamos los dos solos ¡el diablo me baja de aquÃ!