How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Oh dont mind me, Ill just sit in the dark
31
Aug
30
Aug
En un congreso feminista una francesa, una italiana y una mexicana comentaban cómo les habÃa ido con su propuesta de fin de milenio, la cual consistÃa en decirles a sus maridos que ya no iban a lavar los calzones, ni hacer de comer, ni llevar a los niños al colegio.
La francesa dice, No pues el mÃo se me quedó viendo y el primer dÃa nada, el segundo más o menos lo aceptó y se hizo solo sus alimentos y el tercer dÃa todo normal.
La italiana dice, No pues mi esposo el primer dÃa nada, el segundo nada, hasta el tercer dÃa comprendió que iba en serio y llevó los niños al colegio y de regreso se compró una pizza.
La mexicana dice: No, pues que le digo a mi viejo, mira, ya no te voy a lavar tus chones, ni te voy a hacer tus frijoles, y a los niños ni creas que los voy a llevar a la escuela rural, y todas sus colegas preguntaron que cómo habÃa reaccionado su marido y dice la mexicana: No, pues el primer dÃa no vi nada y el segundo tampoco. Ya por el tercero empecé a ver poquito con el ojo derecho.
30
Aug
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonds ear?
A: Data transfer.
30
Aug
Every time I think people cant possibly say or do anything more stupid, I am proved wrong.
30
Aug
Three men were stranded on an uninhabited island. The only way back home was to swim 100 miles to the next island, which was inhabited.
Herolal was so determined to get home that he tried to swim. He made it 50 miles, got tired, and drowned.
Then Pyarelal tried. He made it 75 miles, but got tired and drowned, too.
Bhola thought he could make it all the way, so he started swimming. He swam 50 miles, but started getting tired, so he swam all the way back to the island.
30
Aug
An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being
wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused
to the salt in American Foods (french fries, cheeses, anchovies,
etc.), and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him
a glass of water. Time and time again Abdul would scamper off and
return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned
empty-handed.
Abdul, you bastard son of an ugly camel, where is my water?
demanded the Grand Emir.
A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched
Abdul. White man sit on well.
Chuck Conway, Mopar Pilot
29
Aug
Once upon in air india flight, one Indian man and a English man were traveling, the indian man got his dinner from home, he took it out the box, and took out a roti (indian chapati) then at that moment english man curiously asked what’s that, the indian replied bread of India
After a while the indian took out a gulabjamun (indian sweet), at that moment english asked whats that then english replied sweet of india, after some time the indian guy farted with a big sound at that moment the english man asked what’s that, the indian said thats AIR INDIA
28
Aug
A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety competition. What are you going to do with the prize money? the officer asked. The man responded, I guess Ill go to driving school and get my license. At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed in, Officer, dont listen to him. Hes a smart aleck when hes drunk. This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, I knew we wouldnt get far in this stolen car. At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked Are we over the border yet?
28
Aug
A man went out drinking with his friends and came home the next morning to find his wife waiting for him. He apologized for worrying her but proceeded to tell her that he had been in the most elegant bar in the world! Everything was gold.. the carpets, the glasses, the cutlery, the curtains and even the urinal. Here… I have a book of matches in my pocket. Phone if you dont believe me.
The incredulous wife did just that and asked the manager, Is everything in your establishment really gold?
Yes, he replied, everything is gold colored.
Even the urinal? she queried.
The manager put his hand over the phone and said to his bartender, This is the wife of that guy who relieved himself in the tuba last night.
28
Aug
If men ruled the world would be different
– Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to I love you.
– Hallmark would make Sorry, what was your name again? cards.
– When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.
– Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it.
– Birth control could come in ale or lager.
– The funniest guy in the office would get to be the big boss.
– Sorry Im late, I got hammered last night, would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
– Itd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
– Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the public ugliness ordinance.
– Tanks would be far easier to rent.
– Instead of beer belly, youd get beer biceps.
– Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, Youre No. 1.
– Valentines Day would be moved to February 29.
– Cops would be broadcast live and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
– The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
– The only show opposite Friday Night Football would be Friday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
– It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of petrol.
– Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
– When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine, as in:
Cop: You know how fast you were going?
You: All I know is that I was spilling my beer all over the place.
Cop: Nice one. Thats $10 off.