Old and New Jokes

Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

Many years ago when I was about 13 or 14 years old, I went fishing with my father and a friend of his.

On the way back from this expedition, we stopped at a roadside truck stop for lunch. As a waitress approached the table where we were seated, she was picking her nose and scratching her posterior.

When she said, What can I get for you guys? my fathers friend, not missing a beat, said: Bring me two hard boiled eggs and a coconut. I want something you cant get your fingers in!

She turned, hurried back to the kitchen and did not appear again.

Banana Loaf

2 laughing eyes
2 bowing arms
2 well-shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 fur-lined mixing bowl
1 banana

Look into laughing eyes, spread well-shaped legs and slowly squeeze and
massage milk containers gently until mixing bowl is well greased. Check
frequently with middle finger. Add banana and gently work in and out until
creamed. Cover with nuts and garnish with a sigh of relief. Bread is
done when banana is soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils and do not lick
the bowl.

WARNING: If bread rises, LEAVE TOWN !!!!!!!!

This is not my joke. Its Tracis, so send flames to her !!–Android

En un autobús, un borrachín cede el asiento a una hermosa señora. Al poco rato, ella se descubre el pecho y le da de comer al niño. El beodo, avispado le dice:

Señora, no me lo va a creer, hic, pero su hijito me acaba de invitar a desayunar, hic.

What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

See you next month!

A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a

practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by.



One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped to give him a ride. A little further along, as he approached the town, he spotted a lawyer walking along the side of the road.



Automatically, he veered his truck towards the lawyer, but…then he remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he heard a whump and in the rear view mirror he spotted the lawyer rolling across the field.



He turned to the priest and said, Father, Im sure that I missed that lawyer.



And the priest replied, Thats OK, my son, I got him with the door.

Everybody is somebody elses weirdo.

First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary.

A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner.

The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, This is soup made with matzoh balls.

On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, Just have a taste. If you dont like it, you dont have to finish it.

Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup.

That was delicious, he said, but I was wondering…

Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?