The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington DC this Christmas
season.
This isnt for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nations capitol.
There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
An impotent farmer was having trouble in bed for close to a year now and he just didnt know what to do. He ate Viagra like M&Ms but it never seemed to help. Well anyways the farmer had a couple cows that he wanted to breed, and he went down to his neighbor farmer to ask to borrow a bull for a day. The neighbor farmer said yes, and the impotant farmer loaded the bull into the box of his pickup. When he got back home he put the bull in with the lady cows. The lady cows were sure interested in the bull, but the bull would not go near them for some odd reason. The impotent farmer went back to his neighbors and asked why the bull wouldnt screw his cows. The other farmer said Oh sorry bout dat he gets like that sometimes, what you otta do is stick your finger there in one uh yah lady cows pussys and rub it on his nose.
The impotent farmer went home and tried it on the bull, and sure enough the bull got all three cows and went back for more about five minutes later. The impotent farmer was totally shocked. He went home that night after a hard days work in the field, and climbed into bed. His wife was asleep next to him and he got an idea. He figured if it worked on the cow it might work on him. So he pulled down his sleeping wifes panties and stuck his finger down there and rubbed it on his nose. Sure enough he was hard in an instant. The farmer was so happy about this he just had to show his wife.
Honey wake up honey, turn on the light and take a look at this.
His wife wakes up turns on the light and says You woke me up just to show me you had a bloody nose.
Man goes to the doctor, Doctor, my penis is orange. What can I do about it?
Doctor scratches his head, says Ive never seen anything like it.
Take these pills and come back in a week and see if there are any changes.
The guy comes back in a week, his dick is still orange.
Doctor says, Lets see if we can figure out what is causing this. Tell me about your life-style.
Guy says Im single, live alone, just a normal type.
Doctor: How do you spend your evenings?
I like to watch porno videos and eat Cheetos. Why?
Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said, Im gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down. And he did! So the straw pig went running over to the stick pigs house and said Let me in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!! So the stick pig let the straw pig in.
Then the wolf showed up and said, Im gonna huff and puff and blow your house down! And he did! The straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pigs house and said Let us in! The wolf just blew down our houses down and were scared!!! So the brick pig let them in.
The wolf caught up with them and said Im gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down. While he was huffing and puffing, the straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and called a friend.
A few minutes passed and all of a sudden this big black stretch limo drove up. Out came two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedoras. These huge pigs came over to the wolf and grabbed him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him. Then, One of them pulled out a gun and fired into the wolfs mouth. Then they left the wolf dead, got back into their limo and drove off. The straw pig and the stick pig were amazed!!! They asked the brick pig, Who the hell were those guys?
And the brick pig said Oh, those are my cousins …the Guinea Pigs.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his male
coworker is wearing an earring. This man knows his coworker
to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about
his sudden change in fashion sense.
Bob, I didnt know you were into earrings. Oh, yeah,
sure, says Bob sheepishly. Really? How long have you been
wearing one? Ever since my wife found it in our bed.
Why cant they teach Drivers Ed and Sex Ed on the same day at Mississippi State?
They might wear out the mule
Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are
down.
Hobo shows up at the front door of a grand mansion. The owner comes to the door. Hobo says, Sir, I am down on my luck and ask if you could please spare me a meal?
The owner stared at the hobo for a minute and then broke out in a lambasting such as the world has never heard. You shiftless bum!! I worked all my life for what I have and you make me sick, begging for food! How dare you!! You should be ashamed!
The hobo lowered his head in shame. After a minute of silence, the owner began to soften toward the unfortunate man, and said, Look, if you are willing to do some work for me, I will pay you and give you a meal.
The hobo was ecstatic! Oh, yes sir! I will do whatever you want. Thank you! So the owner said, OK, go around back. Youll see a porch there, and a bucket of battleship grey paint and a brush. Paint the porch, windows included, and youll have a meal. The hobo wasted no time and scurried around back.
About an hour later, the front bell rang again. The owner opened the door and saw a paint splattered hobo with a big grin on his face. Now dont you feel better, he said. Yes! said the hobo. Im a new man!
OK, said the owner, come in and have some lunch. The two sat around the kitchen eating and drinking for about an hour, when the hobo said he had to leave. He thanked the owner profusely for getting him back on the straight and narrow.
As the owner showed the hobo to the front door, the hobo turned and said, Oh, by the way, that wasnt a Porsche out back, it was a Ferrari.
To Whom It May Concern:
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that
the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is 2 persons at a time–unless I
install handrails or safety straps.
As you have arrived 6th in line to ride my ass today, please take a number and
wait your turn.
Thank You.
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Zubin!
Zubin who?
Zubin eating garlic again!