Two guys decide to go on a hunting trip. When there friend hears about it, he begges to go. The two men are skeptical, because every time there friend goes, he scares away all the game. The friend promises that if he is allowed to go, he will stay at the camp site, because he likes to camp more than hunt. They agree and they start on their trip.
Once camp is set up, the two men decide to go hunt, and their friend stays behind. After several hours they finally spot a ten point buck, but a shrill scream scares the buck away. The two men run back to camp, only to find their friend standing there looking up into the trees.
Whats wrong? They asked.
Yeah, you scared off our game.
Im sorry, fellas. I didnt screm when the snake fell out of the tree and wrapped aound my neck. I didnt yell when the bear came out of the woods and mauled me nearly to death. But those SQUIRELS…
What had happened to the poor man was that two squirels had climbed up his pants leg. The first squirel asked the second, Do we eat them NOW, or do we take them HOME?.
The first day of bear hunting season and the hunter is walking down the trail. He comes to a clearing and sees a very large bear in plain sight and takes a shot. When the smoke clears he looks and doesnt see the bear. Suddenly he feels something tapping him on the shoulder, It is the bear and the bear accuses him of trying to shoot him. The hunter denies this repeatedly but the bear makes the hunter pull down his pants and bend over a log where the bear has his way with the hunter. The bear finishes and goes on his way.
The next morning the hunter is ready for a little payback. He is walking down the same trail and sees the same bear. This time the hunter cleans his sight and takes better aim. When the smoke clears he looks and finds the bear gone again. He throws his rifle down and starts cursing. Then the hunter feels a tap on his shoulder. The bear again accuses the hunter of trying to shoot him. The hunter persistently denies until the bear makes him pull down his pants and bend over the log again. After the bear is finished the hunter hobbles back to his camp.
The third morning the hunter is ready to make the bear pay for the last two days indescressions. He was up all night cleaning his rifle and adjusting his scope. He finds the same bear at the same clearing and takes very careful sight. He slowly squeezes of the shot and when the smoke clears he once again missed the bear. He takes his rifle and throws it into the woods.
At that moment the bear taps him on the shoulder and says you dint come here to hunt, did you?.
One day 3 guys go hunting John, Jeff and BJ. John gets the frist kill of the day with a 12 point Buck. While hes guting it Jeff has to take a crap, so he tells BJ and John and runs off. Jeff took off his pants got on a tree branch and fell a sleep. BJ takes the Deer guts and puts them under where jeff is siting making jeff think he craped out all his guts. 1 hour later Jeff comes charging up the hill saying Hay guys you cant beleve what happend to me !!! I fell asleep taking a crap and shited out all my guts. But thank god and these two fingers I got them back up there!
An old guy walks into a bar on night. and was telling about all of his hunting experiences and one guy asked him what is the most painful momet you have had hunting. and he said he was hunting deer in canada and had to take a shit. So he found a tree and leaned against it and when his balls saged down a bear trap jumped up and grabed his balls.and he jumed into the air.And the guy said wow I can see why that is the most painful momet ever and he said no that is only the second most painful momet. The most painful was when I ran out of chain.
Q:what is a ghosts favorit road?
A:A dead end.
One day these 3 friends went hunting in the forest. As they are walking along they are ambushed by a primative tribe. They were all taken back to the camp and one by one tied to three seperate trees.
Then the big chief comes out of his toupee and stares each guy in the face, he then turns to the tribe and says Death or Bongo.
There is a fierce uproar and the tribe begins to chant Bongo,Bongo,Bongo!
The chief then turns to the men and asks the first one Death or bongo?
The first man replys I dont like the sound of death so it will have to be bongo
So 10 men come out of the tribe and begin to bugger him up the arse!!
The chief then turns to the second man and asks the same question.
he replys, slightly hesitant through bongo
so 30 men come and bugger him up the arse!!
The third man,who is now quite distressed decided that he would rather die than be subjected to this horrible ordeal.
So the chief asks him Death or Bongo?
death!! he said I would rather die then have Bongo!!
The chief then smiled and replyed
so be it, DEATH………BY BONGO!
There was a Genie that saw a bear chasing a rabbit the genie said if the bear stops he will grant them each two wishes. They Agree the bear says I want to have the bigest penis that any bear ever had so it is granted the rabbit says I want a motorcycle the genie shrugs and grants his wish. Then the bear said I want all the bears but me to be female that is also granted then the rabbit starts his motorcycle and says I wish the bear was gay and rides off.
There was this flea and he was walking along the beach and he looked down and found a lamp so he rubbed the lamp and a genie popped out and granted the flea three wishes so the fleas first wish was to be on benji so poof he was on benji about two weeks later he came back to the genie and the genie asked him whats the matter the flea said well benji scratched to much and took to many flea dips and i almost died so the fleas next wish was to be on willie nelsons beard hear so poof he was then about four weeks later the flea came back to the genie and the genie asked what was the matter so the flea said well willie smoked to much and the smoke would get caught in his beard and i almost died so his next wish was to be on dollie partons pubes (pubic hair) so poof he was there about six later he came back to the genie looking really confused so the genie was like whats the matter i thought i got rid of you on that one and the flea says i thought you did to but some how i ended up on willie nelsons beard again!
A guy was walking down the beach and found a bottle and picked it up. A genie appeared and said, Thank you for releasing me. As a reward I will grant you 3 wishes.
So the man said, I wish for a million dollars. and he got a million dollars. The man said, I wish for a luxury car, and he got a luxury car. The genie said, Before you make your third wish, I must tell you I am a duel genie. Whatever you wish for, your wife gets double that. Shes already got 2 million dollars and 2 luxury cars. Do you want to make a third wish?
Yeah, said the man, Beat me half to death!
One day a man (who hates lawyers)found a lamp along the beach.he rubbed it and a genie popped out.she said,i will give you three wishes….but there is a catch!the man said,a catch?the genie said,yes,whatever you wish for every lawyer gets double.he said,ok… my first wish will be…..a ferrari!poof!now every lawyer has 2 ferrarisi have always wanted to
have a million dollars !poof! now every lawyer has 2 million dollars.ummmm….i have always wanted to donate a kidney?poof!
now every lawyer has donated two kidneys!