Using the Force, young Darth could unhook a bra on the other side of the planet.
Could hack into Death Star mainframe to vaporize his violin teachers house.
The power to cause volcanic pimple eruptions on the faces of his mortal enemies.
Could make Obi-Wan Kenobi pee his pants by sneaking in his room and putting his hand in warm water.
Ability to sweet-talk girls into rubbing his helmet.
For a white kid, he did a pretty damn good James Earl Jones impression.
Astounding dodge ball prowess combined with take no prisoners attitude resulted in many a beheaded opponent.
The old Jedi your lunch money is mine trick.
Ability to emit a powerful protective force-field after only one bean burrito.
Won the high school talent show every year by making the vice principal writhe in pain.
Ability to activate Trouser Saber at will.
The uncanny ability to make all the hottest babes believe that through the constant application of love and understanding *they* can change him.
You dont need to see my I.D. You know Im old enough to buy beer.

and Topfive.coms Number 1 Special Power of the Young Darth Vader…

Pasty skin + jet-black wardrobe + intense aura of impending doom = Goth babe magnet!

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@topfive.com http://www.topfive.com/ ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ]
[ without crediting The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com ]

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he
starts searching for the source.He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves
the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they
return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again
backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being
played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the
9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.Just then the graveyards caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.Oh, its nothing to worry about says the caretaker.
Hes just decomposing!

Whats the difference between men and beer?
When youre done with the beer its still worth 5 cents.

A medical student is taking a test and one of the questions he sees is: Name the three best advantages of mothers milk.

The student immediately writes, One: It has all the healthful nutrients needed to sustain a baby.

Two: It is inside the mothers body and therefore protected from germs and infections.

But the student cant think of the third answer. Finally, he writes, Three: It comes in such nice containers.

A short history of medicine:I have an earache. 2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

(This joke tends to be better spoken.)

This guy had three kittens who liked to play in the guys pond in his front yard. One day, they all fell in and started drowning. Luckily, the guy was outside and was able to save them. He told them that they better be careful because he might not be there to save them.

Sure enough, the next day, they were out playing in the pond and fell in. Some guy down the street saw them and rushed to try to save them, but was too late. So, he went to the door, and when the owner answered, the guy said, Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinque.

WANKY PANKY

– fooling around, naughtier than hanky panky

THRUSTER BUSTER

– a sudden noise that interrupts the act of sex, especially a doorbell, the sound of a spouses car in the driveway or the shrill voice of an unexpected parent

RUBBER FLUBBER

– sudden realization that the condom has broken

BOOBIE LUBEY

– stimulation of a females breasts to arouse sexual interest

DICKIE LICKIE

– oral stimulation of the males private parts

TUSHIE PUSHIE

– doggie-style sexual intercourse

PECKER WRECKER

– oral sex given to a man by a female wearing braces on her teeth

FUCKIE SUCKIE

– oral sex and sexual intercourse both

STINKIE PINKIE

– the result of sexual stimulation of the females private parts by the males hands

HUMMER CUMMER

– I think you can figure out this one all by yourself!

A mans house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her ouside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody. So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?" The man replies, "Im turning over my mother in law."

Russell Crowe says that since hes put his Oscar in his barn, his chickens have been laying bigger eggs. In a related story, actor Cuba Gooding, Jr. says that since he won his Oscar, his movies have been laying bigger eggs.

Recently a Ft. Lauderdale advertising agency launched a billboard campaign (including the inside and outside of buses) that included 17 different messages from God. This non-denominational campaign, was sponsored by an anonymous client. How cool to drive by one of these billboards!

1. Lets Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game – God

2. Cmon Over And Bring The Kids – God

3. What Part of Thou Shalt Not… Didnt You understand? – God

4. We Need To Talk – God

5. Keep Using My Name in Vain And Ill Make Rush Hour Longer – God

6. Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage – God

7. That Love Thy Neighbor Thing, I Meant It. – God

8. I Love You … I Love You … I Love You … – God

9. Will The Road Youre On Get You To My Place? – God

10. Follow Me. – God

11. Big Bang Theory, Youve Got To Be Kidding. – God

12. My Way Is The Highway. – God

13. Need Directions? – God

14. You Think Its Hot Here? – God

15. Tell The Kids I Love Them. – God

16. Need a Marriage Counselor? Im Available. – God

17. Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test. – God