A game warden stops a duck hunter at the end of a days hunt and asks to check his birds. The hunter says, Sure, go right ahead.

The warden picks up the first duck puts his finger up its ass and smells it and says, This is a Utah duck. Do you have a Utah license? The man pulls out his wallet and shows him his Utah license.

The warden picks up the second duck puts his finger up its ass, smells it and says, This is a Wyoming duck. Do you have a Wyoming license? The man shows him his Wyoming license.

The warden then picks up the third duck sticks his finger up its ass and says, This here is a Colorado duck. Do you have a Colorado hunting license? The hunter shows him his Colorado hunting license.

The game warden says, You sure do carry a lot of hunting licenses with you. Where you from anyway?

The hunter drops his drawers bends over and says, Youre so damn smart, you tell me!

In dieting news, Monica Lewinsky is the new spokes-model for the Jenny Craig dieting system. Pictures are being shown of a pre- and post-Jenny Craig Monica.

A second round of advertising will be showing her dress, before and after the dry-cleaning. I dont know what the ad slogan is going to be for this particular campaign, but I suspect that it will not be as tasteless as it should be.

Monicas Jenny Craig diet tip #1: Taste, but dont swallow.

Tip#2: If you cant remember the name of the President, dont worry as it is on the tip of your tongue.

Tip#3: As you go down, so will your weight.

Tip#4: There are other choices, the only thing you shouldnt blow is your diet.

And finally tip#5: Dont be a sucker for other diet plans, go to Jenny Craig.

I guess it is the lure of money that brought Monica to Jenny Craig … She is already known for keeping up with the Johnsons, so it is time to keep up with the Jones.

(c)2000 The Reverend Shayne Dark

Two chaps were high and driving the car.

Seems we are reaching the city.

How do say so?

The no of people colliding with our car has increased!

Then why dont you stop the car?

What do you mean? You are driving the car!

Man is in traffic court . His defense goes like this.. Your honor, its not fair. I was in a whole gaggle of cars all going the same speed, and this policeman singled me out. Judge says, Is this true, officer? Officer replies, Well, Maam, I flashed my lights, sounded my siren, blew the horn, and hes the only one who pulled over.

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

Why are you eating grass? he asked one man.

We dont have any money for food, the poor man replied.

Oh, come along with me then, instructed the lawyer.

But, sir, I have a wife and two children!

Bring them along! replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, Come with us.

But sir, I have a wife and six children! the second man answered.

Bring them as well! answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore. At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

Look, she said, I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!

American Express: Dont leave home without it!

Russian Express: Dont leave home!

China Express: Dont come home!

QUESTION: How many church people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.

Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the light bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much better they liked the old bulb.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We chose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the light bulb. However, if you have found in your own journey that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb and present it next month at our annual l light bulb Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light bulb, five or six professors to search the Bible for authorization and then two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and some faithful women to make a casserole.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans dont believe in change.

Methodists: A whole congregation. One to change the light bulb, and the rest of the congregation to be sure that he doesnt backslide.

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshield of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineers backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin. Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.NASAs response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken."

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck?