Little Rock (AP) Authorities today confirmed that a fire struck early this morning in the library of the Clintons personal residence here in Little Rock. Despite heroic efforts by the Little Rock Fire Department, both books were destroyed.

In Washington, a White House spokesperson was quoted as saying: Mr Clinton is very upset. He had several pictures left to color in the one book, and he was just starting to get that staying in the lines thing down.

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table… then they hid, pretending they were not at home.

The fathers plan was: If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest, but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, Im afraid our son will be a drunkard.

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive. The son saw the note they had left.

Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.

After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality …then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: Darn, its even worse than I could ever have imagined.. Our son is going to be a politician!

It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, 5-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were
for.People held them over Jesus head as he walked by.Wouldnt you know it, the boy fumed. The one Sunday I dont go, He shows up!

Two guys have spent several months together on a deserted island when a woman happens to wash ashore. They feed her back to health.

Being friends the two guys agree amongst themselves that they wont risk creating a rift, and so wont have sex with the woman. After discussing the future, the woman says they should be keeping a look-out, as she is sure that a search party will come after her.

So they construct a lookout tower on the beach, and plan to stand watch in turns. The first guy goes up the tower and starts looking around.

He then looks down at the other two standing on the beach and shouts down: Hey, stop making love!!

Were not making love his pal shouts up, were just standing here.

Sure looks as if youre making love from where I stand, the first guy shouts.

This goes on for the rest of the afternoon. The next morning it is the turn of the second guy.

As soon as he is up on the tower, the first guy and the woman start making desparate love. The guy up in the tower shouts down: Now I see what you mean, from here it indeed looks as if youre making love!

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. Hes allowed to say only two words every 7 years.

After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words.

Cold floors, he says. They nod and send him away.

7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. He clears his throat and says, Bad food. They nod and send him away.

7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. I quit, he says.

Thats not surprising, the elders say… Youve done nothing but complain since youve been here!

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. Hed toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.

In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughters date said he could get the peanut out.

The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the fathers nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out.

The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The mother said to the young man, That was wonderful. You should be a doctor!

The ungrateful father jumped up, twisted the boys arm behind his back and yelled, Doctor, my ass! Hes going to be our son-in-law. Smell his fingers!

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, TX . (poor woman)Things Ive learned from my children (Honest and No Kidding):1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.3. A 3-year-olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20X20 foot room.5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesnt stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, its already too late.8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.12. Super glue is forever.13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still cant walk on water.14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

РVoy a ir a M̩xico.

– !No lo hagas! ¿Sabes qué calor hace allí?. Es tal que en la sombra, estás a cuarenta y cinco grados.

– ¿Y me crees tan tonto que me voy a ir a poner en la sombra?.

A psychiatrist on his rounds in a mental hospital sees a couple of patients behaving rather strangely. The first man is sitting on the edge of his bed clutching an imaginary steering wheel and making loud train noises Chooo-Chooo… Whoooo-Whooooo…

What are you doing? enquires the doctor. Im taking a train down to Barcelona, replies the man.

Somewhat taken aback but not to be put off, the doctor moves on to the next bed where he can see some very energetic activity going on underneath the covers. On pulling them back he finds a man totally naked face down into the mattress.

And what are you doing? asks the doctor, a little perplexed. Well, pants the man, While hes in Barcelona, Im fucking his wife!

• Alp – One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: What Zermatter?
• Avalanche – One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse.
• Bindings – Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury.
• Bones – There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: There are two bones of the middle ear that have never been broken in a skiing accident.
• Cross-Country Skiing – Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. Its good exercise. It doesnt require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It isnt skiing. See Cross-Country Something-Or-Other.
• Cross-Country Something-or-Other – Touring on skis along trails in scenic wilderness, gliding through snow-hushed woods far from the hubbub of the ski slopes, hearing nothing but the whispery hiss of the skis slipping through snow and the muffled tinkle of car keys dropping into the puffy powder of a deep, wind-sculped drift.
• Exercises – A few simple warm-ups to make sure youre prepared for the slopes: *Tie a cinder block to each foot with old belts and climb a flight of stairs. *Sit on the outside of a second-story window ledge with your skis on and your poles in your lap for 30 minutes. *Bind your legs together at the ankles, lie flat on the floor; then, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet.
• Gloves – Designed to be tight enough around the wrist to restrict circulation, but not so closefitting as to allow any manual dexterity; they should also admit moisture from the outside without permitting any dampness within to escape.
• Gravity – One of four fundamental forces in nature that affect skiers. The other three are the strong force, which makes bindings jam; the weak force, which makes ankles give way on turns; and electromagnetism, which produces dead batteries in expensive ski-resort parking lots. See Inertia.
• Inertia – Tendency of a skiers body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newtons First Law of Motion. Goes along with these other physical laws: * Two objects of greatly different mass falling side by side will have the same rate of descent, but the lighter one will have larger hospital bills. * Matter can neither be created nor destroyed, but if it drops out of a parka pocket, dont expect to encounter it again in our universe. * When an irrestible force meets an immovable object, an unethical lawyer will immediately appear.
• Prejump – Manuever in which an expert skier makes a controlled jump just ahead of a bump. Beginners can execute a controlled prefall just before losing their balance and, if they wish, can precede it with a prescream and a few pregroans.
• Shin – The bruised area on the front of the leg that runs from the point where the ache from the wrenched knee ends to where the soreness from the strained ankle begins.
• Ski! – A shout to alert people ahead that a loose ski is coming down the hill. Another warning skiers should be familiar with is Avalanche! – which tells everyone that a hill is coming down the hill.
• Skier – One who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them.
• Stance – Your knees should be flexed, but shaking slightly; your arms straight and covered with a good layer of goose flesh; your hands forward, palms clammy, knuckles white and fingers icy, your eyes a little crossed and darting in all directions. Your lips should be quivering, and you should be mumbling, Why?
• Thor – The Scandinavian god of acheth and painth.
• Traverse – To ski across a slope at an angle; one of two quick and simple methods of reducing speed.

• Tree – The other method.

Oh, blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape.