Ramesh asked his classmate “Do you know how to keep a bewakoof (dunce) in suspense.â€
“No, you tell me.â€
â€I’ll tell you another day.â€
28
Nov
28
Nov
Human body summoned a meeting. (Everybody attends meetings – why the body shouldnt?)
Brain was the chairman.
I need to go to a spa, uttered Heart.
Why? asked Brain.
I had two attacks, the stress endangers me.
Well, go to rest in the spa, decided Brain.
We need spa too, declared Lungs. We smoke forty cigarettes a day, and breathe smog. We need it.
OK, you will get spa.
Suddenly a thin voice appeared: I need spa too.
Whos that? shouted Brain. Stand up!
I wouldnt need spa if I could…
28
Nov
It seems God noticed Adam was despondent. So the Lord God said, Adam, come over here and sit down!. And Adam did so.
Adam, spoke the Creator, I see your countenance is fallen and you seem to feel rotten and lonely. Adam said nothing in response. So, continued the Lord, I am going to create an alternate person who will be with you! Adam just looked puzzled but interested. This person, said the Lord, will take all the raw and tasteless food that you are currently ruining and will prepare wonderful, spicy, and tasty dishes. Adam looked grateful. This person, said the Lord, will be beautiful to behold and graceful and interesting to watch as she walks. Adam looked thoughtful. This person, emphasized the Lord,will be able to satisfy all those dreams that you currently are having! Adam really looked relieved. And, lastly, said the Lord, She will obey your every whim and desire and order with cheerfulness. Adam was really impressed and finally spoke.
O.K., Lord, but what is this going to cost me? An arm and a leg, said the Almighty.
Well, Adam then said, What can I get for a rib?
28
Nov
Q:Knock Knock Whos There Arentcha Aretcha Who A:Arentcha You Gonna Get Back To Work.
28
Nov
No, Windows is not a virus. Heres what viruses do:
They replicate quickly — okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down
the system as they do so — okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk —
okay, Windows does that, too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along
with valuable programs and systems. Sigh… Windows does
that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their
system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new
hardware. Yup, thats with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are
running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and
efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they
mature.
So, Windows is not a virus…
28
Nov
Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.
They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked together. They asked the question, IS THERE A GOD?
Suddenly there was a loud crash, and in a brilliant explosion of silicon and plastic the computers fused into what appeared to the scientists to be one large computer in place of the many smaller ones.
One of the scientists raced to the printer as it finally output its answer.
There is now, read the printout.
28
Nov
It was a warn Southern California evening when the jury reached a verdict in the O. J. Simpson case. The nation was anxiously awaiting the jurys verdict and newsmen were rapidly arriving on the rumors that the decision would finally be announced. At that moment, Judge Ito was in his backyard Bar-B-Qing filet mignon for the familys evening dinner. The bailiff phoned the Ito residence and when Mrs. Ito answered, requested that the Judge be notified and suggested that the judge should return to the court house as soon as possible. Mrs. Ito refused the bailiffs request because, she insisted, HIS HONOR WAS AT STEAK.
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, Why, Mike, this wouldnt be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?
That it is, Mike replied grimly, ever since I arrested Judge Ito on his way to the masquerade ball.
You mean you pinched his honor? asked Pat.
How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume. demanded Mike.
Well, mused Pat, tis life and theres a lesson in this somewhere.
That there is, replied Mike. TIS WISE NEVER TO BOOK A JUDGE BY HIS COVER.
Noren Eron, the great Norse comic decided to bring his act to America. He booked several shows in the northern states and did well. He then took his act down south, but he realized that the farther south he went, the less the crowd appreciated his act which had the poor guy miffed. When he got to the Deep South, no one got his act at all. After many disappointing sets, he just quit one night and returned to Norway. This goes to show you, … You should never book a miffed Norse in the south.
This was the day that could be the most important day in my career. I had rented three adjoining rooms at the Four Seasons Hotel, where we hoped to work out an agreement that would result in a merger of our firms. I expected some heavy social drinking during our meetings and went to the liquor cabinet to ensure that it was properly stocked. To my horror and chagrin, I found the cabinet filled with bottles of Angastora and little else. I called the manager and demanded that the bottles be removed and the liquor cabinet be better stocked. He refused stating, You have to take the bitters with the suite.
Once again, received from Stan The Pun Man Kegel.
28
Nov
The next time someone starts quoting statistics at you, just remind them
that 78% of people who quote statistics make them up.
28
Nov
You are a child of the 80s If…
*You know what a burnout is.
*You owned/operated a Trapper Keeper
*You know what Psych means.
*Once, while spending hours in the arcade, you actually lined up quarters on the top panel of the game — to reserve your spot.
*You know the profound meaning of Wax on, Wax off.
*You know that another name for a keyboard is a Synthesizer.
*You can name at least half of the members of the elite Brat Pack.
*You know who Tina Yothers is.
*You wanted to be a Goonie.
*You felt ashamed when Rob Lowe got in trouble for sex with minors and videotaping it, because you liked him.
*You had top-of-the-line Commodore 64s in your jr. high computer lab
*You know who Max Headroom is.
*You even wore fluorescent, neon if you will, clothing.
*You could breakdance, or wish you could.
*You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.
*You Believed that By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!
*Partying like its 1999 seemed SO far away.
*You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
*You can, right now, hum to yourself the theme to Inspector Gadget
*You wanted to be on Star Search.
*You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
*You wore a banana clip at some point during your youth, or knew someone who did.
*You knew what Willis was talkin bout.
*You HAD to have your MTV
*You remember when Kramer was on a show called Fridays
*You hold a special place in your heart for Back to the Future.
*You know where to go if you wanna go where everybody knows your name.
*You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool.
*You actually thought Dirty Dancing was a REALLY good movie.
*You heard of Garbage Pail Kids.
*You knew The Artist when he was humbly called Prince.
*You actually saw Ted Danson as the MacDaddy he played Sam to be.
*You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system
*You own(ed) any cassette singles
*You were led to believe that in the year 2000 wed all be living on the moon.
*You remember And/or own any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut. Or any other stupid collection they came out with.
*Poltergeist freaked you out.
*You carried you lunch to school in a Gremlins or an ET lunchbox.
*You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
*You know what a Doozer is.
*You wore bike shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish, or knew someone who did.
*You ever had a Swatch Watch.
*You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
*You had Wonder Woman or Superman underoos.
*You know what a Whammee is..
If you can identify with at least half of this list then you, my friend, are a Child of the 80s.
28
Nov
Jake was on his deathbed. His wife Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand,
tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to
move slightly.
My darling Susan, he whispered.
Hush my love, she said. Rest . Shhhh. Dont talk.
He was insistent.Susan , he said in his tired voice. I have something I must confess to you.
Theres nothing to confess, replied the weeping Susan. Everythings all right, go to
sleep.
No, no, I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and your mother!
I know, she replied……
Thats why I poisoned you.