10. No, please, Data, go on. I find your list of synonyms for extinct facinating…

9. Good work, Counsellor. If you hadnt told us those aliens had hostile intent, we would have been completely fooled by their plan.

8. Jean-Luc, since the ship is in no danger at all and were not about to die, I want to tell you…

7. The…doohickey…has gone all…funny, making that gizmo light up…the one that means the warp engines are…ya know…all messed up.

6. Captains Log, Stardate…damn. Whats the date? Number One, whats today? No, I know its Tuesday, whats the date? The STARdate!

5. Tea, Lemon Zinger, iced.

4. Klingons do NOT wear frilly underwear…at least not on duty.

3. Prime Directive? We dont need no steenkin Prime Directive!

2. The aliens are locking their weapons on us…firing…a miss. Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can laugh in their faces?

1. Ah, hell, Im bored. Screw the hailing frequencies, fire at will.

Q: What do lawyers use as a contraceptive?

A: Their personality.

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, What do you want on your back for your whipping?

The German responds, I will take oil! So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, What do you want on your back?

I will take nothing! says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

What will you take on your back? the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, Ill take the Mexican.

Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!

The captain then called for his first mate and said, First mate, bring me my red shirt! The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.

The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, Captain, two pirate ships closing fast! Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, First mate, bring me my red shirt! The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.

During the celebration the first-mate asked, Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?

The answer is simple. That way, if Im injured, the crew wont know and they wont lose hope.

Just then the lookout burst through the door, Captain, ten ships closing fast!

First mate, bring me my brown pants!

The teacher was giving a lesson in english and decided that the class was to use the word fascinate in a sentence and called on

the students to volunteer. suzy immediatly



jumps up and says over the summer our family



visited the zoo and the lions and tigers were



fasinating to watch. not exactly what the teacher was looking for, she wanted to use the word fascinate.next up was sally who says



our family recently visited the museuem and i was fascinted by the mummy display. still



not the exact word the teacher was looking for. all the while little johnny in the back of the class had been jumping up and down trying to get the teachers attention who was reluctant to call on johnny because of his foul mouth, but decided there was no way he could mess up the word fascinate. so he starts by saying his sister has a pink sweater with ten white buttons but her tits



are so fucking big she can only fasten eight.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Lily!
Lily who?
Lily house on the prairie!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Glasgow!
Glasgow who!
Glasgow to the movies!

One who robs shoe stores.

A haggard old lady was riding in a posh hotels elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on, smelling divine. She says arrogantly to the old lady, Georgio, $100 an ounce. On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on, smelling lovely as well. She turns to the two other women and says, Chanel, $150 an ounce. The old ladys floor is approaching and as the doors open, she looks at the two young ladies, bends over, farts and says, Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.

The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias.

Well, Ensign, its history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that youre valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, youre twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars.

As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, youre obviously a star. That answer your question?

Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?

Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, weve always covered our pricks with leaves …