Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ottawa!
Ottawa who?
Ottawa know youre telling the truth?
26
May
26
May
Va marta desesperada al doctor. Ya en la consulta le dice:
¡Doctor, doctor tiene que ayudarme!
Está bien, señora marta ¿qué pasa?
Cada vez que con mi marido vamos a haser el amor, a él le da por chuparme la teta, y al final no follamos nada.
Bueno, para la próxima vez que se acuesten úntese queso en la punta de sus senos, asà va a tener un sabor agrio y no va a querer chupar.
Se va Marta a su casa dispuesta a seguir el consejo, pero al otro dÃa llega de nuevo al consultorio y le dice al doctor:
Doctor, mi marido está peor que antes.
¿Pero por qué?
¡Porque ahora además de chuparme la teta viene con leche y galletitas!
26
May
Q: Which one of the fishing equipment does a football players use?
A: a tackle box.
26
May
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
87. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you walk by them mutter, You shouldnt have done that to me.
26
May
What do Kurt Cobain and Michelangelo have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
26
May
After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery down below to restore herself to her former youthful glory.
Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, shed tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
Who are these from ? she asked the nurse, Theyre very nice but Im a bit confused as to why Ive received them.
Well said the nurse, The first is from the surgeon – the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks.
Ahhh, thats really nice said Lucy.
The second is from your husband – hes delighted the operation was such a success that he cant wait to get you home. Apparently itll be the first time hes touched the sides for years and hes very excited!
Brilliant! said Lucy. And the third?
Thats from Eric in the burns unit said the nurse.
He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!
26
May
Q: How do you define confusion?
A: Fathers Day in Harlem
Q: Now define utter confuion?
A: A blind lesbian in a fish market.
26
May
The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. Thats an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because thats the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and thats the gauge they used.
Why did they use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long distance roads, because thats the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons, were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
Thus, we have the answer to the original questions. The United State standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot.
Specs and Bureaucracies live forever. So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horses ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. Because the Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back-ends of two war horses.
26
May
Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other? A: An air mattress.
26
May
Two ghosts were having a conversasion in the graveyard.
the 1st one said yeh insaan log na…..
the other one interupted saying dekho,yeh insaan-vinsaan kuch nahin hota