Knock Knock
Whos there?
Lillian!
Lillian who?
Lillian the garden!
20
Mar
20
Mar
Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his clients jury to hold out
for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the state.
The jury was out for several days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict.
When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.
Sure did, the juror replied, the other eleven wanted to acquit.
20
Mar
20
Mar
La mujer le dice al marido: Cariño, podrÃamos comprarnos una hucha (alcancÃa) y cada vez que hagamos el amor echar veinte monedas. Y asÃ, cuando acabe el año la rompemos y nos vamos de fiesta.
La rompen por navidades y el marido se queda asombrado de lo que habÃa dentro.
¡Pero si hay hasta billetes de mil!
La mujer contesta: ¿Qué te crees, que todos son tan tacaños como tú?
20
Mar
Estaba una enorme fila de gente que aguardaba para llegar con San Pedro, ya que él les dirÃa si se iban al Cielo o al Infierno, en eso pasa una señora y él le dice:
Señora, confiese el mayor error que cometió durante su vida.
La verdad, San Pedro, es que yo cuando me casé ya no era virgen, pero mi esposo nunca lo supo.
Está bien, hija, todos cometemos errores, adelante puedes pasar al Cielo.
La señora se va al Cielo; después de un rato, llega hasta San Pedro una mujer vieja, pero que aún era virgen y antes de que San Pedro pudiera decirle algo, ella lo interrumpe y le dice muy orgullosa:
Señorita vieja.
Al Infierno por pendeja.
20
Mar
Un matrimonio de gays decidió que querÃan tener un hijo. Contrataron a una mujer para que les engendre la criatura. Unieron sus espermas, los mezclaron bien y la mujer fue artificialmente inseminada.
A los nueve meses los llamaron del Hospital para decirles que acababa de nacer un varoncito. Corrieron llenos de alegrÃa al Hospital. Al llegar los llevaron a una sala donde habÃa como treinta bebés todos gritando y llorando, menos uno. HabÃa uno plácido y sonriente. La sorpresa se la llevaron cuando la enfermera les indicó que ese era su bebé.
Pero que bebé tan bueno, tan alegre! exclama uno de los maricas.
La enfermera responde:
Es cierto… ¡pero no vayan a sacarle el chupete del culo porque se pone como loco!
20
Mar
1. Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
A. Just in case they get a hole in one.
2. Golfer: Well, I have never played this badly before!
Caddy: I didnt realize you had played before, sir!
3. Golfer: My wife says if I dont stop playing golf shes going to leave me!
Caddy: Im sure you will miss her terribly, sir!
4. Golfer: Well caddy, do you like my game?
Caddy: Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf.
20
Mar
Two Aggies decide they want to go ice fishing so they gather together all their gear, get bundled up nice and warm, and head out onto the ice.
As they were attempting to cut a hole through the ice, they suddenly hear a voice from the heavens There are no fish under the ice!
They stopped, looked at one another, shrugged their shoulders, shook their heads and continued to cut the hole in the ice.
Suddenly, the voice from above again says, this time with more authority, There are no fish under the ice!!!
The two aggies looked at one another again, couldnt figure it out, and continued to cut the hole in the ice.
Then the voice from above says, Gentlemen, this is the mall manager! There are no fish under the ice!!!!
20
Mar
Employer: In this job we need someone who is responsible.
Applicant: Im the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.
20
Mar
You might be a redneck if…
Your babys first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."