Sign on restaurant window: Dont stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up.
Sign in a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Sign for a litter of dachshund pups: Get a long little doggie!
Sign in a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. In pencil beneath the sign: Socks can eat anyplace they want.
Sign on a music librarys door: Bach in a minuet.
Yo mama twice the man you are.
Un joven querÃa comprarle un regalo a su novia para su cumpleaños. TenÃa poco tiempo de conocer a su novia y luego de pensarlo muy bien, decidió que un par de guantes era muy buen regalo, pues serÃa un poco romántico sin ser muy personal.
La hermana de la novia lo acompañó al almacén a escogerlos. El joven compró unos guantes blancos y su cuñada aprovechó que estaba en el Centro comercial y decidió comprar unos calzones que le hacÃan falta. Cuando llegó la hora de envolver el regalo, la vendedora se equivocó y envolvió los calzones en vez de los guantes. Sin revisar el contenido del paquete, el joven envió el regalo a su novia con la siguiente nota:
Escogà estos porque he notado que no usas nada cuando salimos por la noche; si no hubiera sido por tu hermana, hubiera escogido los largos con botones, pero ella se probó estos cortos que son más fáciles de quitar. QuerÃa escoger una tonalidad mas delicada, pero la vendedora me mostró los que ella usa; no se los habÃa cambiado en tres semanas y no se le nota para nada la mugre. Le pedà a la vendedora que se probara estos que compré para tà y en verdad se veÃan muy bien.
Quisiera estar contigo para ponértelos por primera vez; no tengo duda de que otras manos los tocarán antes de que los vuelva a ver. Cuando te los quites, recuerda soplarlos antes de guardarlos pues es natural que cojan un poquito de humedad. Sólo pudeo pensar en cuántas veces los voy a besar durante los próximos meses; espero que los uses para mi el próximo viernes por la noche. Recibe todo mi amor.
P.D. La última moda es usarlos doblándolos un poquito hacia arriba para que se vea el peluche.
The eight-year old boy had never spoken a word-ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, Soups cold.
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, Ive waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why havent you spoken before?
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everythings been okay.
Q: Whats the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. Its a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: Pierre, kiss me! Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Maries lips.
What are you doing, Pierre?, says the startled Marie.
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, Pierre, kiss me lower.
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
Pierre! What are you doing?, asks the bewildered Marie.
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, Pierre, kiss me lower!
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously,
PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING?
I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!
Q: Do I have to be married to have fax?
A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.
Q: My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?
A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedures.
Q: If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?
A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.
Q: There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?
A: Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a professional when their need to fax becomes too great.
Q: Should a cover always be used before faxing?
A: Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should be used to insure safe fax.
The teacher asked that if anyone thinks they are stupid to stand up. The class is shocked when they see Nick stand up.
The teacher asks Nick why are you standing up? Nick replies: I didnt want you to feel alone
A Washington Post columnist runs a column each summer listing
interesting t-shirts observed at the Ocean City, Maryland beach.
I childproofed my house, but they still get in.
On the front- 60 is not old.
On the back- If youre a tree.
Im still hot. It just comes in flashes.
At my age, getting lucky means finding my car in the parking lot.
My reality check just bounced.
Life is short, make fun of it.
Im not 50. Im $49.95 plus tax.
Physically pffffffft!
Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.
Its my cats world. Im just here to open cans.
Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
Keep staring….I may do a trick.
Dangerously under-medicated.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and its gone.
Every time I hear the word exercise, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Cats regard people as warm-blooded furnitute.
Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.