Old and New Jokes

George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking,

when George W. said, I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me.



Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, Ill prove it to you.



Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.

Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if Im home, said Cheney.



The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, See! That guy was really stupid!



No kidding, replied George W. There was a pay phone just around the corner…

You could have called instead?

Its difficult to work in a group when youre omnipotent.

When a snail crossed the road, he was run over by a turtle.

Regaining consciousness in the emergency room, he was asked what caused the accident.

I really cant remember, the snail replied.

You see, it all happened so fast.

What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?

Beer

Dale Earnheart, Jeff Gordon, Tony Sterut was all trying to get into a strip joint. But the bouncer wouldnt let them so they said who they were and the bouncer said that if their dicks added up to 13 inches he would let them in. So Dale was 5.

Tony was 6.



And Jeff was 2.



So the bouncer let them in. As they was going in Jeff said, Thankfuly I had a hard one on.

Tommy and his dad went upstairs one day to hang a picture while mom made lunch. About twenty minutes after they went upstairs, Tommy came downstairs crying.

Whats wrong? His mother said.

Daddy slipped and hit his thumb with the hammer! said Tommy.

Well … Tommys mother said, Thats nothing to cry about, daddy will be okay. Its actually kind of funny, I dont know why you didnt laugh when it happened.

Thats the problem, said Tommy through his tears, I did!

John Wayne Bobbitt was in the middle of testifying when he turned to the judge and asked, Your Honor, could I have a ten minute recess?

The judge asked, Why?

Bobbitt replied, I have to use exhibit A.

Yo mama nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!

Q: How many members of the England cricket team does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it after 85 overs, one to throw him the new one, one to drop it, and one to get caught rubbing something out of his pocket into it.

Caminaba Venancio por la calle cuando se encuentra a Manolo y dice:

Ala Manolo ¿qué andais haciendo?

Nada Venancio, que ando esutdiando la Lógica.

¿La Lógica? ¿y qué es eso?

Verás Venencio, cómo explicarte… ¿te gusta el agua?

Sí.

Por lógica te gusta la playa, Venancio.

Sí.

Por lógica te gustan las muchachas en bikini.

Sí.

Bueno, pues eso es la lógica Venencio.

Venancio se va y se encuentra con Pacorro y le dice:

Ala Pacorro, ¿qué andais haciendo?

Nada.

Pues yo ando estudando la Lógica.

¿La Logica, y qué es eso?

Pues verás, ¿Te gusta el agua Pacorro?

NO.

¡Entonces por Logica eres PUTO!