Bury a blonde.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said Oh, look at the deer tracks.

The other blonde looks and says Those arent deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.

No. Those are deer tracks.

They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pick it up, pull the pin and throw it back.

The Barber

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got

his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, No

charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer

books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.

Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He

then asked how much it was. The barber said, No charge. I consider

it a service to the community.

The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and

a thank you note from the police officer.

Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked

how much it was. The barber said, No charge. I consider it a

service to the country.

The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators

in front of the door.

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where hed dreamed
of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress
the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Sub School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, Listen, sir,
its real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the
number of times we surface. Divide that number by two.
If the result doesnt come out even, dont open the hatch.

Q: What is every blondes ambition in life?

A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: What is the mating call of the blonde?

A: Im sooo drunk!

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?

A: (Screaming) I said: Im drunk!

Q: Why are there so few blonde pharmacists?

A: They have a hard time getting the pill bottles into the typewriter!

Q: Why cant blondes make ice cubes?

A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why did the blonde resolve to have only three children?

A: Because she heard that one child out of every four born was Chinese.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?

A: Finger on chin-I dont know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?

A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

A2: So that when theyre on the train they can tell if theyre going to work or coming home.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because thats where youre supposed to wash vegetables.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her babys diapers every month?

A: Because it says on the box: good for up to 20 pounds.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

A: You can park in the handicap zone.

An Irishman has been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures hell crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the four blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. So, youve been out drinking again!! What makes you say that? he asks, as he puts on an innocent face. The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.

To make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices…

You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable. It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.

A gay guy walks into a bar and says bartender give me a brewskie.

The bartender says, We dont serve your kind here.

The gay continues, Ill just sit in the corner and drink my beer and wont say anything.

The bartender says, Well, all right! and pours a beer.

A while later a cowboy walks in and says Bartender give me a beer!  Im so thirsty I could lick the  sweat off a cows balls

A voice is heard from the corner. Moo!  Moo!  Buckaroo!

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.

Doc, I need something for my eyes…cant see well these days. The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor hes very depressed.

Doc says, Whats the problem…didnt the glasses help you?

The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered Ive been living with a water hose the past 2 years!