Manolo le comenta a un amigo: voy a tener que vender mi auto porque ya tiene mucho kilometraje.
Para que lo venda mejor, el amigo le sugiere llevarlo con alguien que le altere el cuentakilómetros.
Pasan dos meses y se vuelven a encontrar.
¿Lo vendiste, Manolo?, le pregunta el amigo.
No; ¿para qué, si ahora tiene pocos kilómetros?, responde Manolo.
Signs youve had too much of the 90s!
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You now think of three espressos as getting wasted.
You havent played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he emails you back Whats for dinner?
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you havent spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
You didnt give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your online buddies via a Web page.
The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is totally foreign to you.
You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
And finally…
You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person!
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Greta!
Greta who!
Greta job!
Doctor: Have you ever had this before? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, youve got it again.
When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralphs condition could be cured through corrective surgery.
How long will Ralph be on crutches? the wife asked anxiously.
Crutches? Why would he need crutches? responded the surprised doctor.
Well, said the wife coldly, You ARE planning to lengthen Ralphs legs, arent you ?
1HIT1DER – Ricky Martin
NU CLEVGE – Britney Spears
20K LAID – Wilt Chamberlain
JAILBTCH – Robert Downey, Jr.
HAD MILK – Pamela Anderson Lee
OUTOFST8 – Hillary Rodham Clinton
C MY BRA – Brandi Chastain
IM STR8 – Tom Cruise
K8ODIDIT – O.J. Simpson
PEN IS – John Bobbitt
VOAT4ME – Dan Quayle
I was at home the other night in the middle of my dinner when the phone rang.
ME: Hello.
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.
ME: Is this AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T …
ME: This is AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T …
ME: Is this AT&T.?
AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron, please?
ME: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
ME: OK, hold on.
At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
ME: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
ME: May I ask who is calling, please?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T …
ME: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T …
ME: The phone company.
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.
ME: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We arent selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
ME: Now, thats 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, thats right! 24 hours a day!
ME: 7 days a week.?
AT&T: Thats right.
ME: 365 days a year.?
AT&T: Yes, sir.
ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! Thats amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
ME: Thats quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes, sir, its amazing how it adds up.
ME: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560; and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
ME: You said youd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year. Im just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didnt mean wed be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.
ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that youll give me 10 cents a minute, that Ill give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? Ive read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for
ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?
AT&T: Sir, I dont think that is necessary.
ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.
At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.
SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron?
ME: Yeah.
SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
ME: Is This A T &T?
SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.
ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be Careful not to produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to
get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, Ill transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
ME: Thank you.
I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I need to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.
AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan.?
ME: No, but I was wondering – do you have that Friends and Family
thing because Im an only child and Id really like to have a little brother…
AT&T: click……..
A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in sex. Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how its working.
So she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husbands Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, shes running around thrilled and happy. Oh, my God. I cant believe how well that worked, she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, shes even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.
Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, Little boy, is your mother home?
No, shes…whos this? the little boy asks. Im a friend of your mothers and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how its going?
That was you?! the little boy says. Let me tell you — Moms dead, sisters pregnant, my ass hurts and Dads in the attic going, Here kitty, kitty, kitty.
Q: How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; he designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one and screw itself in.
There are two Mexicans talking. One is a new resident of the town.
The first Mexican says to the other, Hey, Vato, this town is pretty rough. All the Mexicans know how to fight. So watch your back.
The other Mexican replies, I dont need to worry, because I know
Mexican Judo.
The first Mexican asks, Whats Mexican Judo?
The second says, Ju dont know if I have a gun; Ju dont know if I have a knife…