Old and New Jokes

This joke has a little history behind it.

Back in the 1960s in Chicago there was a radio station (WLS?) with a
very popular disk jockey named Dick Biondi who told this joke on the air
and got fired for it the very same day.

A newlywed couple who were both avid baseball fans attended a game at
Sox park. They were still on their honeymoon and very affectionate, hugging
and kissing so much that they werent able to follow the game.
After a couple of seconds of thought the wife says, Ive got an idea,
honey. You kiss me on the strikes and Ill kiss you on the balls.

[Note – reportedly a cute, but false story – ed.]

12. Every morning at the bus stop, that same pig is reading the newspaper – upside down!11. Whenever you cross the road, so does that damned chicken!10. That foul smell, and youre not with your beer drinking buddies.9. Heavy bleating on the other end of the phone.8. Silhouette of knife-wielding Holstein appears on your shower curtain.7. Everywhere you do, the bell! the Bell!! THE BELL!!!6. You find a knit cap and FOUR bloody gloves.5. You keep hearing , Oink Oink, and there isnt a SeenSay toy in sight.4. After an ugly break-up with Flopsy, you find Glenn Close floating in a pot on your stove.3. While baking custard pie, you step in cow pie.2. All 84 Caller ID entries read, Babe.and the Number 1 Sign Youre Being Stalked By A Farm Animal…1. Note on your doorstep says, Well see whos laughing at Thanksgiving this year, Ginsu Boy!

Stanford called the vet, Doctor, youve got to come right over! My pet pig just ate the TV remote control!Ill be right there.Thanks, but what do I do in the meantime? The vet said, Read a book.

Whats an Australian kiss?

The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!

Tú Puto, tú Puto, le dice el pequeño Pepito a su papá, señalándolo con el índice.

¡Cállate, niño grosero!, le ordena el padre.

Tú Puto, tú Puto, insiste Pepito.

¡Qué te calles!, vocifera el padre al tiempo que le propina un golpe.

Tú Puto y yo Tibilín, dice sollozando Pepito.

Q. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?

A. They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Maria!
Maria who?
Maria me, I love you!

A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?

A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

A man goes to a kennel to buy a hunting dog. This is one of the best hunting dogs I have, said the proprietor. The man looks the dog over and agrees to the purchase.

Several days later he goes duck hunting at a lake. When the first bird is hit and falls into the water, the dog rushes to the edge of the lake and walks on the water to retrieve the duck. Quickly grabbing it with his mouth , the dog again walks on the water and deposits the bird in front of the amazed hunter. This happens again with every bird the hunter shoots.

The next day, the kennel owner is surprised to see the hunter back with the dog. He looked angry and said, I want my money back! This dog is supposed to be a hunting dog but hes no darn good!

The astonished proprietor replies, Gee, Im surprised. This is one of my best dogs. Whats the problem?

This dog isnt a hunting dog, replied the hunter, He cant even swim!