Old and New Jokes

I dont understand these complaints about the postal service. Time was,
you could put a two-cent stamp on a letter and mail it, and it would
arrive at its destination in two days. Now you put a twenty-five-cent
stamp on a letter and it can take three to four weeks to arrive.

Still only a penny a day!

(From the letter column in Harpers Magazine, in response to an article
about the US Post Office.)

[Ed: You think you have it bad. In Canada, were
paying 39 cents for penny/day service.]

Why didnt Helen Keller ever change her baby?

She could find it!

A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

How do you get four gay guys to sit at one stool?

Turn it upside down!

Want to hear three blonde jokes? Listen to Hanson!

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The boy is wearing a fire fighters helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.

That sure is a nice fire truck, the fire fighter says with admiration.

Thanks mister,the boy says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dogs collar and to the cats testicles.

Little partner, the fire fighter says, I dont want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cats collar, I think you could go faster.

The little boy says, Youre probably right, mister, but then I wouldnt have a siren.

An insect falls into a mug of beer.
English Man: Throws his mug of bear on the floor and walks out.
American Man: Takes out the insect and drinks tbe beer.
Chinese Man: Eats the insect and throws the beer.
Indian Man: Sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the Englishman and buys himself a new mug of beer.
Pakistani Man: Accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan to buy another mug of beer.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.

Its not how good your work is, its how well you explain it.

A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly Eastern city and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually got more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.

Doc, the frustrated commuter complained, Im fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week. But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded into the car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like Im going to explode.

Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.

What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?

No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more common.

Tell me! What is it?

You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.