While I was attending a law course, the Audiatur et altera pars rule was explained to us.
Translated it means, Also the other party has to be heard. After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone did NOT understand the rule.
From the auditorium a man shouted, My wife!
According to a recent survey, approximately 35 per cent of all American men think sex is the best way to end an argument.
Let me tell you something, says Jay Leno. This could revolutionize the game of hockey.
– The Tonight Show, NBC
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really ,really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. The nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the side, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldnt move very much.
So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said……..
Not very freakin strong tonight, are you Batman!
Q: How many school teachers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Lets see: 2 A+s, 3 As, 5 A-s, 11 B+s, 9 Bs, 21 B-s…
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world up over?
Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesnt Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when youre driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Daylight savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? [NOTE: Geo.
Washingtons picture is on a quarter]
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help groups?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If athletes get athletes foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbies so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why dont deaf people wear earmuffs?
If cats and dogs didnt have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you cant drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say Slow Children have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it chili if its hot?
Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
As the lawyer slowly came out of the anesthesia after surgery, he said, Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?
Theres a big fire across the street, the doctor replied. We didnt want you to think the operation was a failure.
Un profesor de primer año de Medicina está dando a sus alumnos la primera lección sobre autopsias en la morgue y les dice:
Para hacer una autopsia, hay dos elementos básicos: el primero, no tener ninguna repugnancia.
En ese momento, el profesor introduce un dedo en el ano del muerto y luego lo chupa. A continuación pide a los estudiantes que hagan lo mismo y luego de un rato de silencio temeroso, éstos comienzan a obedecer. Cuando ya todos los alumnos han terminado de chuparse con asco el dedo, el profesor prosigue:
El segundo elemento fundamental, es un sentido muy agudo de observación: yo metà mi dedo anular, pero me chupé el Ãndice.
Why are camels called ships of the desert?
– They are full of Arab semen.
Seems God was just about done creating the Universe, but had two extra things left in his bag of creations. So, He decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
Its a very handy thing, God told the couple. I was
wondering if either one of you wanted the ability? Adam jumped up and blurted out, Oh, give that to me. Id love it. Please, oh please, let me have that ability. It would be great. When Im out working in the garden, I could just stand there and let it fly. It would be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh, please God, let it be me who you give that gift to. On and on he went like an excited little boy…
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. She added it was the sort of thing that would make him happy and she wouldnt mind if Adam was the one given this ability. And so, Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his urine while in a vertical position. He was so happy, he celebrated by wetting
down the bark on the tree nearest him and laughing with delight all the while. And it was good.
Fine, God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts. Whats left in here? Oh yes, Multiple Orgasms.