Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question.

Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program?

UNIX consultant: Yes, thats correct.

Customer: No, what is it?

UNIX consultant: Yes.

Customer: So, which is the one?

UNIX consultant: No. which is used to find the program.

Customer: Stop this. Who are you?

UNIX consultant: Use who am i not who r yoo. You can also finger yoo to
get information about yoo.

Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code.

UNIX consultant: Use what.

Customer: Thats what I am trying to find out. Isnt that true?

UNIX consultant: No. true gives you 0.

Customer: Which one?

UNIX consultant: true gives you 0. which programname.

Customer: Lets get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?

UNIX consultant: Type find / -name it -print to find it. Type what program
to get the revision code.

Customer: I want to find the revision code.

UNIX consultant: You cant find revisioncode, you must use what program.

Customer: Which command will do what I need?

UNIX consultant: No. which command will find command.

Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.

UNIX consultant: You can write that only if that is a user on your system.

Customer: Write what?

UNIX consultant: No. write that. what program.

Customer: Cut that out!

UNIX consultant: Yes, those are valid files for cut. Dont forget the options.

Customer: Do you always do this?

UNIX consultant: du will give you disk usage.

Customer: HELP!

UNIX consultant: help is only used for Source Code Control System.

Customer: You make me angry.

UNIX consultant: No, I dont make me angry, but I did make programname when
I was upset once.

Customer: I dont want to make trouble, so no more.

UNIX consultant: No more? which will help you find more. Every system has
more.

Customer: Nice help! Im confused more now!

UNIX consultant: Understand that since help is such a small program, it is
better not to nice help. And more now is not allowed but at now is.
Unless, of course, now is a file name.

Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.

UNIX consultant: I didnt know you needed help with pc. Let me get you to the
Pascal compiler team…

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Agnes!
Agnes who?
Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe!

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. What are those knives doing in your car? asked the officer.

I juggle them in my act.

Oh yeah? says the cop. Lets see you do it. So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test theyre making you do now!

Una pulga está tomando sol en la playa, toda bronceada, debajo de una sombrilla, cuando llega otra pulga muerta de frío. La primera le pregunta: Que te pasó?. Resulta que quise venir a la playa a tomar el sol, y me subí en los bigotes de un motociclista que venía para aca, pero casi me muero del frío después de venir todo el camino a 200 km por hora. No seas bruta, tienes que hacer como yo, te escondes en el baño de mujeres, y cuando entra una, te subes a su ropa interior y viajas calentita y segura.

Al otro fin de semana vuelven a encontrarse en la playa las dos pulgas, la primera bronceadísima, y la segunda nuevamente blanca y muerta de frio. ¿Y ahora qué te pasa, no hiciste lo que te dije? Sí, lo hice. Me escondi en el baño de mujeres, llegó una y cuando se bajó la ropa interior, me subí, me acomode ahí muy a gusto y me quede dormida. Entonces, que pasó? No lo sé; cuando me desperté estaba otra vez en los bigotes del motociclista y venía a 200 km/h muriéndome de frío.

La pareja de recién casados está en el hotel más que dispuesta a disfrutar de su primera noche juntos. El tipo, que tiene un miembro descomunal, saca un par de condones y un tarro de crema que coloca cerca de la cama, mientras la esposa, que lo espera en la cama dice:

¡Ay que lindo! ¿Me vas a poner cremita?

Cremita no, mi amor, ¡te voy a poner morada!

A man walked into a pub with an Ostrich and a Pussy Cat. He walked up the the bar and said Beer for me, beer for the ostrich, whisky for the cat. They found a table, sat down and drank their drinks.



Next it was the ostrichs round. He walked up to the bar and said Beer for me, beer for the man, whisky for the cat. He took the drinks back to the table and they drank them.



When it was the Cats turn to buy, he told them to Fuck off!



So the man went back to the bar and said Beer for me, beer for the ostrich and whisky for the cat.



The Barman was curious about this and said I notice that you and the ostrich have both bought a round but the cat hasnt. Why is this?.



The man replied, I helped a little old lady across the road, and she turned out to be my Fairy Godmother. She granted me one wish.



What did you wish for? said the Barman.



I wished for a long legged bird with a tight pussy!

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading:
Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.

The towns fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to:
Hysteria and Posteriors.

This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to:
Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.

No go, so they tried:
Catatonics and High Colonics.

Thumbs down again, so they tried:
Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.:

Still not good, so they tried:
Minds and Behinds.

Still no go. Nor did:
Analysis and Anal Cysts,
Nuts and Butts,
Freaks and Cheeks or
Loons and Moons work either, so they finally settled on:

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.

Noahs wife.

A mechanical device used to fill in the end of your
driveway as soon as you finish shoveling it.

How can you tell that your blonde secretary has been typing on your computer?

White-out on the screen!

How can you tell shes made the corrections?

She wrote over the white out!