A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.
The officer looked at the guys photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
Yes, please she replied. Tell him Mother didnt come after all.
One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside.
He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
Ill grant you your fondest wish, the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, I want a spectacular job.
A job that no man has ever succeeded at nor has ever even dared try.
Poof! said the genie.
Youre a housewife!
Isnt it a shame that God gave men both a brain and a penis, but not enough blood to run both at the same time!
Una mujer muy guapa caminando en la calle y un tipo la sigue diciéndole con insistencia:
¡Mamacita, te acompaño! ¡Andale mamacita, voy contigo! !Vámonos juntos mamacita!
Entonces la muchacha se detiene y le responde:
Mire, no se puede, usted y yo llevamos caminos distintos…
¿Por qué? dice el tipo, un poco animado.
¡Porque yo voy al super y usted va a chingar a su madre!
Your momma is so fat . . .
When she walks down the street in a yellow raincoat, people chase after her thinking they missed the bus!
Question: Why did the blonde have a briuse on her belly button?
Answer: She had a blond boyfriend.
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesnt have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, Im blonde, Im smart, I have a good job, and Im staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats Im blonde, Im smart, I have a good job and Im staying in first class until we reach Jamaica. The head stewardesses doesnt even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, I told her the front half of the airplane wasnt going to Jamaica.
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but theyre really only one.
A young women was impressed by the massive Texan in the bar. Pardon me, sir, but can I ask about the measurements of your chest. I am amazed
Well thank you maam. Its 33 inches
Wow, around?
No, maam. Through.
Well, then, sir. What about your waist?
Its 28 inches.
Around?
No, maam. Through.
Well, then. One last question. What about the size of your private, ahh, you know.
You see, maam. Its 3 inches!
Wow, said the woman. Through?!
No, Maam. From the floor!!!