Relayed-From: diamond@jit533.swstokyo.dec.com (Norman Diamond)
In article <…> brent@uwovax.uwo.ca (Brent Sterner) writes:
So the next time someone tells you your cheque (Canadianism) is in the mail,
you just might think about believing it.
The spelling of cheque is an Englishism. The fact that its been in the
mail for the last 8 years and hasnt arrived yet, thats a Canadianism.
One Saturday morning, Glen decided to go fishing.
He sat there for hours,but nothing. The bottle whiskey that heve took with him,was also empty. He throw the empty bottle into pieces against a nearby rock.
All of a sudden, there was something on the hook. He pulled the fish out of the water. The only fish for the day so far. The fish was so small, Glen decided to throw it back.
The little fish was so exited, to such an extend, that it decided to give Glen one wish.
He asked the little fish for some more whiskey. The fish said, Allright then, when youre urinating, it will be pure whiskey.
So Glen sat there, and wonder, can this really be? Glen took a glass and urinate in it. It was pure, pure whiskey.
A while later, a women, who was standing nearby, comes to him and asks, sir are you allright? I saw you drinking your own piss.
No, said Glen, its whiskey.
The women laughed. He urinate into the glass, and gave it to her. She couldnt believe it.
So they sat there almost for the rest of the day, drinking whiskey.
After about the seventh double, she asks Glen for a nother one. He looked her in the eye, throw the glass into pieces against the rock and said What about drinking out of the bottle?
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone elses cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk they think you need.BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone elses cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Maryann died and went to heaven. St. Peter met her at the gate.
He said: Maryann, because you have been such a good person on earth, you are granted 3 wishes before you enter the gates of heaven.
Maryann: Oh, St. Peter, I only have one question I would like to ask the Blessed Mother.
St Peter nodded approval and took her to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
When Maryann got there she said: Blessed Mother, I was always wondering, what was it like knowing your Son would become God, what would you have liked him to be?
The Blessed Mother answered: To tell the troothh, I vanted him to be a dokterr!
¡Pienso hablar seriamente con mi mujer y le diré que a partir de mañana compartiremos los deberes de la casa!
¡Vaya! eres un marido considerado.
¡No, lo que pasa es que yo no puedo con todo!
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.
The second Catholic woman chirps, My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace.
The third Catholic woman says smugly, My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Eminence.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle Well…?
She replies, My son is a gorgeous, 62, hard-bodied stripper………… Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Oh my God….
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ima!
Ima who?
Ima girl who cant say no…!
K. M. Reese, Newscripts, Chemical & Engineering News
(26 Jun 89), p. 64:
An economist, incidentally, is a chap who,
when asked for his social security number, gives an estimate.
This poor guy received a slight variation of the tatoo treatment, we painted a treasure map in his stomach with genciana violet (a purple dye that last about a week).
But just when you think it was safe, I put in his lugagge, 5 POUNDS OF RICE! (witout a bag, gee, i forgot the bag) and a note: Sorry i couldnt toss this rice at you at the church!
I wish I could have been there when he had opened his suitcase, and imagine the explanation to the hotel maid about all that rice on the floor of the room!
Also check the Part 1
The programmer to his son: Here, I brought you a new basketball.
Thank you, Pa, but where is the users guide and manuals?