[Ed: Edited]
_…And have you ever noticed that you never see the Father, the Son, and
the Holy Ghost together at the same time? Oh, sure, everybody talks like
they arent the same person, but I wonder…
Rick Jarvis CAE Systems Division, Tektronix, Inc Beaverton, Oregon
Frank and Estelle are lieing in bed together and Frank is watching Match of the Day on TV.
As Frank is watching the game and as the game is getting interesting he hears Estelle say, Frank you will never guess what I heard about the Epsteins today!.
Frank then turns to Estelle and says, Can this wait? Cant you see that I am trying to watch the game here!
Fine! Estelle replies, have it your own way, I am just sick of you watching that idiot TV box all the time, thats all. Why dont you try doing something constructive? Llike reading a book for a change!
Fine by me! says Frank, I will. Anything for a bit of piece and quiet from you!
So Frank turns off the TV and picks up a detective novel and begins to read.
After a few minutes Frank becomes immersed in his book but can hear loud annoying sighs coming from Estelle so without looking away from his book he asks, What is it now Estelle?
You know what our problem is Frank? says Estelle.
No. Frank replies still trying to read his book.
Our problem is we never talk anymore Frank! Shouts Estelle.
Why does Clinton were underwear? To keep his ankles warm!
Two buddies were speeding through the great state of Alabama when to their surprise, out pops a state trooper and pulls them over. The state trooper approaches the driver side of the vehicle and taps on the window. The driver rows the window down. The state trooper smacks him on the back of the head and ask for license and registration. The trooper then proceeds to write him a ticket and has the driver sign it. But, just before leaving, the trooper walks around to the passenger side of the vehicle and taps on the window. The passenger rows the window and smack the trooper goes upside his head. The passenger says, What was that for?
The trooper says, Just making all your dreams come true! The passenger confused and dazed says, what? Trooper replies, when you get down the road there a ways youre going to say to your buddy,I wish he would have tried that shit with me!
Luego de comerse tres platos exquisitos en un restaurante de lujo, el cliente llama al mozo:
Camarero, todavÃa me he quedado con hambre, ¿qué me aconseja pedir?
¿Quiere un consejo sincero? Pida la cuenta y estoy seguro que se le pasará el apetito.
Dos niños van por la calle cuando ven por una ventana a una chica muy buena desnudándose. Se quedan mirando y al cabo de un ratito uno de ellos le dice al otro:
Oye, vámonos.
No, espera un poco.
¡Que no, ándale, ya vámonos!
¿Pero por qué quieres irte?
Es que mi mamá me dijo que si alguna vez veÃa a una mujer desnuda me iba a convertir en piedra… Y ya estoy notando que una parte de mà se está poniendo dura.
A guy sees a pretty lady at the end of the bar and is interested in buying her a drink. He tells the bartender that he will buy her another of whatever she is drinking. The bartender says OK, Ill pour it for her. But just for your information, shes a hooker. Shell do what you want for money.
The drink gets delivered and the woman makes eyes at the guy, inviting him over. After a couple of minutes of chatting, the guy gets up the nerve to ask her: The bartender says youre a hooker, is that true?
The woman says Yes. I do it for the money. In fact, Ill do anything for $200.
The guy thinks for a minute and then pulls out $200, gives it to her and says Paint my house.
About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didnt have to.
Screw up your life, youve screwed everything else up.
The Road Runner cannot harm the coyote exept by going Beep Beep!
No outside force can harm the Coyote-only his own ineptitude or the failure of the ACME products.
The Coyote could stop anytime – IF he were not a fanatic. A fanatic is one who redoubles his effort when he has forgotten his aim – George Santayana.
No dialogue ever, except Beep Beep!
The road Runner must stay on the road — otherwise, logically, he would not be called Road Runner.
All Action must be confined to the natural environment of the two characters — the Southwest American desert.
All material, tools, weapons, or mechanical conveniences must be obtained from the ACME Corporation.
Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyotes greatest enemy.
The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by his failures