Knock Knock
Whos there?
Johannes!
Johannes who!
Johannes are cold!
11
Nov
11
Nov
Q: How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three – One to do it and two to stand there and tell each other how they could have done it better.
11
Nov
Unos amigos fueron a trabajar al campo. Horas después, se pusieron a jugar cartas. La mesa era un trozo de madera grande y las sillas eran trozos de madera más chicos. Mientras jugaban estaban tomando chicha (licor chileno). Tras un buen rato estaban bien borrachos y a uno se le ocurrió ir al baño:
Compadre, compadrito, voy y vuelvo.
Vaya nomás compadrito.
Cuando volvió se le olvidó subirse el cierre del pantalón y cuando se sentó el pene quedó encima de la mesa.
¡Lucho, Lucho, hay una culebra en la mesa weon!
Quédate quieto weon.
¡Me va a morder, me va a morder!
El otro saca un palo gigante y le manda en plena penca.
¡Lucho, Lucho, pégale de nuevo que me mordió!
11
Nov
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had enough. Youre not supposed to talk out loud in church.
Why? Whos going to stop me? Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, See those two men standing by the door? Theyre hushers.
11
Nov
You dont let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of sexual deviance.
11
Nov
Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.
11
Nov
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
Certainly, sir, thatll be 1 cent.
One penny?! exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, Yes.
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?
Certainly sir, replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money.
How much money? inquires the guy.
Four cents, he replies.
Four cents?! exclaims the guy. Wheres the guy who owns this place?
The barman replies, Upstairs with my wife.
The guy says, Whats he doing with your wife?
The bartender replies, Same as what Im doing to his business.
11
Nov
Now I lay me down to sleep,
from the nightstand buttons beep.
PC all set to download a file,
and send the mail in a little while.
Then gather the news before the dawn,
and all the scores from fans long gone.
The AC is set to cut back on cool;
Lights to blink, the burglars to fool.
Alarm clock set on delayed shutoff;
CD to play some, then cutoff.
Sleep-maker set on medium tension,
Voice mail set on no-wake suspension.
Burglar alarm on delay activate;
Carport lite on, for son whos late.
Mr. Coffee all set to percolate;
Dishwasher to run at ten of eight.
Air purifier cleans each hour tonite;
Water filter to fill the tank just right.
VCR to tape three good shows,
Something to watch during winter snows.
Motion detectors on, to check what moves;
White noise machine set to seaside soothes.
Camcorder is ready to film in a flash
Blenders all set, the fruit to mash.
Lord, Bless our all-electric domain;
Keep lightning away should it rain.
Let no errant shock reset it all;
Watch over the breaker box in the hall.
Im wide awake now from all this hassle;
God bless our multi-megawatt castle.
– Author Unknown
11
Nov
Sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland
Doorbell rings, Im not listnin,
From my mouth, drool is glistnin,
Im happy–although
My boss let me go–
Happily addicted to the Web.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
Theres beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.
Friends come by; they shake me,
Saying, Yo, man!
Dont you know tonights the senior prom?
With a listless shrug, I mutter, No, man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!
I dont phone, dont send faxes,
Dont go out, dont pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
Im happily addicted to the Web!
11
Nov
Q:What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q:What is the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.
Q:What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $ 3.99 a minute.