Pepito ve a su anciana vecina caminar por la calle y exclama:

¡Ah, pero usted tiene dos pies, doña Rufina!

¡Claro que sí, Pepito! ¿Y a qué viene esta observación?

Es que mi papá me dijo que usted tenía un pie en el otro mundo.

En plena borrachera un borracho le dice a otro:

¿En qué se parece una hormiga a un elefante?

El otro le responde: No sé.

En que hormiga se escribe con H.

¿Pero elefante que tiene que ver si elefante no lleva H?

Sí lleva H.

No lleva.

Sí lleva.

¿Y por qué lleva H?

Porque el elefante se llama Humberto.

There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take in their beauty. She noticed the farmer just standing there watching too. She walked up to him asked some questions on raising sheep. She then asked, If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock, can I have one? The farmer agreed. She guessed, 387. The farmer said that was correct. So, go take your pick on which one you want. She went into the flock and then to her car. The farmer stopped her, and asked, If I can guess what your natural hair color is, can I have my DOG back?

I think therefore I am (not a Democrat…)

Why wasnt Jesus born in Italy?

– They couldnt find three wise men and a virgin!

Yo mama so dumb she took a fishing rod down the frozen food aisle.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning
back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was
not far off he asked what shed like to have for her Birthday. Id like
to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl
of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonalds where he ordered her a Happy Meal with
extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy,
M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her
husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear,
what was it like being six again??Her eyes slowly opened and her
expression suddenly changed. I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it
wrong.

10. Will that wounded duck be eligible for your health care plan?
9. Boy this is fun! You now, it really ought to be easier for people to get guns.
8. Hi there, little feller! Quack for Uncle Bubba.
7. It would be a shame if we accidentally downed a couple of big-mouthed state troopers.
6. You look great in that negligee. By the way, Hillary thinks Im duck hunting.
5. Mr. President, Dominos says they cant deliver to a duck blind.
4. Trust me, Roger, itll be funny. Just put on the duck hat and run around in the weeds.
3. When youre shooting, just think of them as Ross Perot.
2. Lets shoot Gore in the ass and see if he flinches.
1. Get me some coffee, Dukakis!

(CIM) The Netherlands: Doctor Huizenaas of the Rotterdam Animal Research Institute has successfully trained a cat not to eat food. His research followed an unsuccessful attempt by Professor Egon Spuunrais to achieve this same goal.

Prof Spuunrais failed experiment was based on the use of positive reinforcement. The cat was shown food, and if it refused to eat it, the animal was rewarded by a tasty tidbit. His conclusions were widely ridiculed, predominantly for the absence of a control.

Dr Huizenaas formulated a more rigorous test based on negative reinforcement, and including a control animal which did not receive the punishment.

In the Huizenaas experiment, whenever the test animal accepted food it was struck on the head by a small steel mallet. At first, the cats behaviour was unaffected by this, but after some adjustments to the force of the blow, it was observed that the cat became progressively less interested in the food and indeed was often seen to shake its head vigorously on being struck.

By this stage the association between eating the food and being hit on the head had obviously been made: the cat was refusing the food, but only briefly. After lurching in circles for a few mintues, the cat would return to the bowl.

However, after several more trials, the cat was conditioned to the point where it has subsequently shown no interest whatsoever in food, or anything else for that matter.

The experiment was concluded four weeks ago, and in the time since, the cat has not eaten once. Or moved. The appetite of the control cat, on the other hand, has increased to the point where it is eating the food put out for both animals.

could you rephrase the question?