En el océano Atlántico se encontraban dos barcos en alta mar, uno era un retiro espiritual de sólo monjas y el otro de una despedida de soltero donde lógicamente iban sólo hombres.
De repente el barco de los hombres empieza a incendiarse y todos los tripulantes tienen que saltar al agua. Empezaron a nadar hasta el otro barco y suplicando dijeron a las monjas:
¡Déjennos subir por favor, que nos ahogamos!
Las monjas contestaron, ¡No porque ustedes nos violan!
¡Por favor no nos dejen ahogar dejennos subir!
¡No porque ustedes nos violan!
¡Se lo suplicamos, por favor!
La monja superiora dice, Está bien, pero con la condición de que les cortamos el pene según la profesión que tenga cada uno.
Ellos dijeron que sÃ, que lo que fuera.
Subió el primer hombre y le preguntaron ¿usted que es? Soy arquitecto. Y pum… ¡se lo cortaron con una regla!.
Subió el segundo ¿y usted qué es? Soy peluquero y pum… ¡se lo cortaron con unas tijeras!
Subió el tercero ¿y usted? Soy campesino. ¡Pum! con un machete.
El cuarto era un negro y estaba muerto de la risa y una monja le pregunta, ¿muy feliz porque se lo vamos a cortar?
Y dice el negro, Lo que pasa es que yo soy paletero y a mi me lo tienen que chupar hasta que se me caiga…!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Un tipo de edad madura, era soltero. Un dÃa, sus compañeros de oficina con ánimo de molestarlo le preguntan:
Oiga, ¿qué no le gustan las mujeres?
¡Claro que me gustan! Si no me gustaran ya me habrÃa casado, responde ofendido.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Eran las tres de la mañana, cuando un borracho llega hasta la puerta de su casa. Haciendo gran escándalo este despierta a su mujer que desde el segundo piso se da cuenta que el borracho (su esposo) no podáa entrar.
En eso la mujer le dice al borracho:
Mi amor, aquà te van las llaves.
Y el borracho le contesta:
Mejor tÃrame el hoyo, que es el que no encuentro.
Posted in Chistes chistosos |
Whats the difference between a polythene bag and Michael Jackson?
A: One is made of plastic and dangerous to
children,the other is used to carry your
shopping home!
Posted in Celebrity |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Don Giovanni!
Don Giovanni who?
Don Giovanni talk to me!
Posted in Knock-knock |
25. If you havent done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
Posted in School |
I often wonder how come John Tesh isnt as popular a singer as some people
think he should be.
Then, I remember its because he sucks.
Posted in One Liners |
The health inspector shut down the restaurant on the corner of main street and second avenue.
A new owner rebuilt the kitchen area. The inspector was very impressed with the new kitchen. Stainless steel counters and shelves. Floors of white marble. More lighting install making a bright and clean looking work area. Tongs hanging everywhere, the food was not touched by human hands.
The inspector noticed a string hanging from the cooks fly and asked What is the string for?
The cook replied, When I go to the bathroom, I do not have to touch it, I just pull it out with the string.
Oh how neat, replied the inspector, how do you get it back in?
The cook responded With the salad tongs.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
01. I can see your point, but youre still full of crap.
02. I dont know what your problem is, but Ill bet its hard to pronouce.
03. I see youve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
04. Ill try being nicer if youll try being smarter.
05. Ahh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
06. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
07. Im already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
08. The fact that no one understands you doesnt mean youre an artist.
09. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
10. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
11. This isnt and office. Its Hell with fluorescent lighting.
12. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
14. Can I trade this job for whats behind door #1?
15. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
And heres a bonus funny from: Siglets.com
Sometimes … when you cry … no one sees your tears …
Sometimes…when you are worried….no one sees your pain…
Sometimes … when you are happy … no one sees your smile …
But fart just one time…
Posted in General / Unsorted |
A lady walked into a convenience store and asked the clerk for a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk told the lady Miss, we are all out of chocolate ice cream.
The lady says Oh, okay. Give me a quart of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk says Miss, I just told you we are all out of chocolate ice cream.
The lady says Oh, okay. Give me a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk had finally had it. He said Miss, can you spell the van in vanilla?
The lady looked puzzled but answered Yes, v a n.
The clerk said, Very good. Now can you spell the straw in strawberry?
The lady still looked puzzled but answered Yes, s t r a w.
The clerk said, Very good. Now can you spell the fuck in chocolate?
The lady answered, There aint no fuck in chocolate.
The clerk replied, Thats what Iv been trying to tell you!
Posted in Foul Language |