A young Greek man excitedly tells his mother hes fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, Just for fun, Ma, Im going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one Im going to marry. The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, Okay, Ma, guess which one Im going to marry. She immediately replies, The one on the right. Thats amazing, Ma. Youre right. How did you know? The Greek mother replies I dont like her.
21
Apr
21
Apr
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I cant figure out how to start it.
Her friend asks Whats the puzzle supposed to look like?
The blonde says From the picture on the box, its a tiger.
So, the blondes friend figures that hes pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says:
First, no matter what I do, Im not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.
Second, Id advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!
21
Apr
A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds.
As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.
He reached a cloud, upon which was sitting a rather plump and very ugly woman.
Screw me or climb the ladder to success, she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this
cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.
Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success, she said.
Well, thought the man, might as well carry on.
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite
attractive.
Screw me now or climb the ladder to success, she fluttered.
As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that
this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute
beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot.
Fuck me or climb the ladder to success, she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to
climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400-pound ugly man,
armpit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.
Who are you? the man asked.
Hello, said the ugly fat man said, my name is Cess!
21
Apr
An insect repellent salesman tried to sell his product to a farmer. He said he wasnt interested because he hadnt seen any bugs or insects on his farm for years. The salesman indicated he had a wife and four kids and really needed the money.
The farmer still didnt think he needed any insect repellent but he felt sorry for the salesman and said, Im so sure there arent any insects around here, if youll strip naked, Ill tie you to my barnyard fence for the entire night. When morning comes, if youve got even one insect bite on you, Ill buy every can of repellent youve got.
The salesman was elated and readily agreed to being tied up naked. That night, the farmer tied the naked salesman to the barnyard fence and went to bed. Several times during the night he thought he heard the salesman moaning and groaning.
However, when he went out the next morning, the salesman didnt have even one bite or scratch on him. The farmer asked, What was all that moaning and groaning about last night?
That was the worst night of my life, the salesman replied, doesnt that damn calf have a mother?
20
Apr
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Water!
Water who?
Water be ashamed of yourself for living in a dump like this!
20
Apr
Steve Wright: I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. Ive been arrested three times for practicing.
20
Apr
En una guerra el General visita la tienda de los enfermos y le pregunta a un soldado que estaba en una cama:
¿Por qué está acá soldado?
¡Hemorroide, señor!
¿Y con qué lo están tratando?
¡Tópicos de iodo, señor!
¿Necesita algo?
¡No, señor!
Y asà con todos los que estaban allÃ, muchos de los cuales padecÃan de hemorroides y decÃan no necesitar nada, hasta que llegó con el último soldado:
¿Por qué está acá soldado?
¡Angina, señor!
¿Y con qué lo están tratando?
¡Tópicos de iodo, señor!
¿Necesita algo?
¡Si! ¡QUE ME CAMBIEN EL PINCELITO!
20
Apr
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Welcome!
Welcome who?
Welcome up and see me sometime!
20
Apr
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
20
Apr
Theyre leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so he would be looking toward Heaven when he died. They raised the blade of the guillotine and released it. It came speeding down and suddenly stopped, just inches from his neck. The authorities took this as Divine Intervention and released the priest. Next, the drunkard came to the guillotine, and he also decided to die facing up, hoping he would be as fortunate as the priest. So the blade of the guillotine was raised again, and released. It came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck, so he was released as well. The engineer was next, and he too decided to die facing up. They slowly raised the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer said, Hey, I see what the problem is…