Old and New Jokes

Q: How do you know that you are in a real lesbian bar?

A: Not even the pool table has balls.

Bush/Cheney 04: Four More Wars

Bush/Cheney 04: Leave No Billionaire Behind

Bush/Cheney 04: Deja-Voodoo All Over Again!

Bush/Cheney 04: Compassionate Colonialism

Bush/Cheney 04: Because the Truth Just Isnt Good Enough

Bush/Cheney 04: Making the World a Better Place, One Country at a Time

Bush/Cheney 04: Over a Billion Whoppers Served.

Bush/Cheney 04: Putting the Con in Conservative

Bush/Cheney 04: Thanks for Not Paying Attention.

Bush/Cheney 04: The Last Vote Youll Ever Have to Cast

Bush/Cheney: Asses of Evil

Bush/Cheney 04: Were Gooder!

Bush/Cheney 04: This Time, Elect Us!

George W. Bush: The Buck Stops Over There

George W. Bush: A Brainwave Away from the Presidency

Dont think. Vote Bush!

More Trees, Less Bush

It Takes a Village Idiot

One Person, One Vote (*May Not Apply in Certain States)

Bring Back Monica Lewinsky

A man hasnt been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

Im afraid I have some very bad news, the doctor says. Youre dying, and you dont have much time left.

Oh, thats terrible! says the man. How long have I got?

Ten, the doctor says sadly.

Ten? the man asks. Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?

Nine…

Dont ever lie to us; we always find out.
We dont enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
Dont say you understand when you dont.
Girls are petty; get over it.
You dont have PMS; dont act like you know what its like.
Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
If you talk about having a big dick; we know you dont.
Size does matter.
We dont like it when you act like Mr. Big; we like it when you are Mr. Big.
A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
Its good to be sensitive, sometimes.
If you did something wrong or even if you didnt, apologize.
Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie wont always cut it.
We are self-conscious by nature; we cant help it.
We are drama queens.
Fashion police do exist.
Dont ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.
We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
We dont shave our legs every day; get over it.
Dont make bets about us; we always find out.
Shave; no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.
Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from you body, it is not.
Dont compare our breasts to Pamela Andersons; hers are fake. (and not there anymore)
It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
We are beautiful, but make-up helps.
We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us we arent.
You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell cant you piss in the toilet and not on it.
Most importantly; we are always right; so dont forget it.

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started

comparing methods.

The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It

had been effective for them since they had started using it after

their 4th child was born.

The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated

having to watch the calendar.

The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her

husband would remember to buy them himself.

The fourth woman said

that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method.

They used the saucer and pail method. All ears were opened at that

comment. She went on to explain…. Her husband is shorter than

she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his

eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath

him.

Q: What goes VAROOM Screech! VAROOM Screech! VAROOM Screech!?

A: A blond driving through a blinking red light. =;-{)

(No insinuations meant, as I myself am a blonde)

A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. I wish…that all the bears in this forest were female. The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. I wish…that all the bears in this country to be female! The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met! Then he asked for his last wish. I wish…that all the bears in this world to be female! The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, I wish the bear was gay

Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!

Clintons mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.

Q:What are the three words you DONT want to hear when having sex?



A:Honey Im home!