A noted sex therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.
To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people, and goes down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the persons smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.
Twice a day, the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no. Once a day, then? Again the answer is no. Twice a week? No. Twice a month? No. The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to once a year.
The therapist is angry that his theory isnt working, and asks the man, What the heck are you so happy about?
The man answers, Tonights the night!
Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbors, but didnt like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare ass.
After two hours Bobs wife came home and asked Bob, What are you doing?
Bob explained and she said, Come on… you will only freeze your ass off.
Bob refused as he wanted to win the bet.
Then his wife got an idea. Lets change places when Joe is looking the other way.
Bobs wife put on the same kind of pullover and cap and traded places with Bob.
Half an hour later Joes wife came home and asked him, What are you doing?
Joe told her and said, I am determined to win the bottle!
You are crazy. Come on in.
Certainly not, I am already on the winning side. Bob lost his balls half an hour ago!
A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, Hey, lady! Youre really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way.On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! Youre really ugly!" She was incrediblyticked now, so she wentinto the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The storemanager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didnt say it again.The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said."Yes?""You know."
Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment: Lazy and hard-headed.
Should go far: Please.
Este es un divertido ejercicio de lectura; es un texto difÃcil de leer en forma continua. Inténtalo leer en voz alta, seguido, sin parar; rápido, pero sin correr.
Este gato está vivo.
Este gato es vivo.
Este gato la ve fácil.
Este gato forma cÃrculos.
Este gato de mi casa.
Este gato tener fiebre.
Este gato a la hora.
Este gato un rato.
Este gato pendejo; pendejo gato.
Este gato entretenido él sólo.
Este gato por gato.
Este gato cuarenta veces.
Este gato segundos después.
Ahora lee solamente la tercera palabra de cada lÃnea.
Una conocida estrella de televisión pasa un tiempo en una clÃnica para hacerse distintas cirugÃas: estiramientos faciales, siliconas, retoques de nariz, pómulos y boca. Finalmente, el cirujano plástico se dirige a luminaria:
¿La señora va a desear algo más?
¡Por supuesto, me gustarÃa tener los ojos más grandes y expresivos!
Ah, esa es la parte más simple de todo. ¡Espere a que le den la cuenta!
There was 3 rednecks in New York City. One day while sight seeing they ran upon a whorehouse. Excited, they entered the whorehouse like kids entering a toy store.
The first redneck had $5.00, the second redneck had $10.00, and the third redneck had $15.00.
The first redneck approached the lady behind the desk and said I got $5.00!
What do I get for $5.00?
The lady spoke over the intercom and said Ginger– take this getleman upstairs and give him $5.00 worth!
The first redneck came back downstairs grinning from ear to ear.
The oter two rednecks said Man, what did you get for $5.00?
The first redneck explained that she took it out of his pants she put whipped cream all over it, then licked it all off.
This exited the 2nd redneck and he quickly approached the lady at the desk. He said Okay, I have $10.00!What do I get for $10.00?
The lady spoke over the intercom and said Tasha, take this gentleman upstairs and give him $10.00 worth!
The 2nd redneck came downstairs, grinning from ear to ear, as if he was on Cloud Nine.
The other two rednecks met him and asked Man, what did you get for $10.00?
The 2nd redneck explained she took it out of his pants, put whipped cream on it, nuts and chocolate topping and she licked it all off.
This excited the 3rd redneck, so he nervously approached the lady at the desk and said, I have $15.00. What can I get for $15.00?
The lady turned on the intercom again and said Melissa, take this gentleman upstairs and give him $15.00 worth!
The 3rd redneck came downstairs with a huge frown on his face, and on the brink of tears.
Curious, the other 2 rednecks asked, Man, why are you so sad. What couldve went wrong? You had $15.00?
The 3rd redneck said, Boys, she took it out of my pants, put whipped cream all over it. Then she put strawberries, pinapple topping, chocolate syrup,nuts and a big cherry on top! It looked so good I ate it myself.
Hillary feels pretty badly — she may be the First Lady, but she wont
be the last.
This man comes to the Pearly Gates and is a little confused as to whereto report to God to get a determination on Heaven or Hell. He sees one sign that says: For Women and then notices a sign that says: For Men.
As he approaches the aisle for men, he sees one window with a sign: For men who were dominated by women in life. The line of men standing in that line was very long.
Then he saw another sign that said :For men who dominated women. He went to the second window and was the only one in the line.
At the window, God approached him and remarked, Wow, I have not had a man stand in this line for over a hundred years – you must be a tough person.
Well no, he replied, My wife told me to stand here.
(From an article in the Globe & Mail, Jul 26, written by Bryan Johnson, in
Pakistan:)
First [he] tells of a pilot who spotted tracer bullets as he approached
a runway in Northern Pakistan. So the pilot swung around and approached
the runway from the other end only to find bullets winging by there too.
So he tried to land on a road and cracked up.
From whence came the bullets? Afghan rebels? Terrorists? No,
just one hell of a wedding party. In the Peshawar region, wedding
guests can rent an AK-47 for a day for $2 or the use of a water buffalo.
With tragic results. In one case, jubilant cousins accidentally
blasted away the bridegrooms father. The wedding was postponed for 40
days of mourning, then again celebrated amid ecstatic volleys of flying
lead.
In another wedding in the region, shots from a wedding severed
high tension electrical wires, the falling wires electrocuted 8 guests and
set parts of the village on fire. As well there have been sevearl injuries
to people not even attending the weddings who happen into the path of a
stray bullet.
Although authorities have promised to crack down, little success is
expected. In the words of a city councillor, If I do not use my gun when
invited to a wedding, I will be considered a mouse, not a man.
Rambo would be proud.
P.S. along a similar note, although Rambo III has not been pulling in the
North American box office receipts the producers would have liked, they
are reportedly not worried because Rambo movies pull 80% of their gross
from foreign receipts.