Two tourists were drivingthrough Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about thepronunciation of the town.They argued back and forthuntil they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blondeemployee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would youplease pronounce where we are…very slowly?The blonde guy leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg."
20
May
20
May
Once upon a time there was a stork family – papa stock, mama stork and
baby stork. One evening papa stork didnt show up for dinner. Mama stork and
baby stork left the food out for him but he didnt come home at all that night.
When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork asked, Papa
stork, where were you last night?
Out making a young couple very happy, replied papa stork.
Several weeks later, mama stork was late making dinner. Baby stork
and papa stork waited a while, and then gave up and ordered pizza. Mama stork
didnt come home until late the next morning. When mama stork did come in,
baby stork asked, Mama stork, where were you last night?
Out making a young couple very happy, replied mama stork.
Later in the fall, baby stork was late for dinner. Papa stork and mama
stork were worried. Their anxiety increased when baby stork still wasnt home
by sunset. They both waited up late for baby stork but he didnt come in
until early in the morning. His feathers were rumpled and unkempt. Papa
stork barked, Where the hell were you baby stork? as his tired son dragged
himself over the threshold.
Out scaring the shit out of college students, replied baby stork.
20
May
The Eastern European art of the political joke is in abeyance
in Poland right now, because what previously had to be veiled
can be, and is, said out loud. However, in the GDR and in Romania
freedom of speech hasnt broken ground yet.
A young member of the German communist party went to his senior comrade
with a strange request: he wanted permission from the Party to emigrate
to West Germany. (It is only with the permission of the Party that
people are allowed to leave East Germany. Often it is granted as
a method of eliminating people with inappropriate attitudes.)
For what reasons could you possibly want to leave the Socialist
paradise, young comrade?
Well, sir, I have a main reason, and
a kind of side reason. The side reason is this: I know our Party
has established a paradise here in the Democratic Republic, but the
reason I want to leave is that I am very afraid that is will not last.
Dont worry, son! It will last for ever.
Well, good, sir: but
that brings me to my main reason….
20
May
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the maitred there will be at least a twenty minute wait and would he like to wait in the bar. He goes into the bar and the bartender says, Whatll it be?
The man replies, Give me a Stoli with a twist.
The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says, Once upon time were three little pigs…
20
May
You might be a redneck if…
Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
19
May
A pilot was flying a small charter plane
There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10 miles visibility when his instruments went out. He began circling around looking for a landmark.
Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with a guy working alone on the fifth floor. He banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy, Hey where am I? to which the man replies, Youre in an airplane.
The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to perform a perfect blind landing on the airport runway 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. Quite easy, replies the pilot, I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore, that must be Microsofts support office and from there the airport is just five miles due East.
19
May
The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you dont have.
19
May
Two [ethnics] are out fishing, and having a great day. As fast as
they put a hook into the water, a fish bites, and they reel it in.
As sunset approaches they decide to mark the spot, so they can come
back again.
The first [ethnic] thinks a bit and then paints a big X on the bottom
of their boat.
The second [ethnic] says You idiot! what if we get a different bat next
time?
19
May
Why did god make piss yellow and semen white?
– So [ethnics] could tell if they were coming or going.
19
May
Its better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.