Iba caminando una pareja en la noche por el parque, cuando pasa un borrachito con el pene fuera del pantalón.
¡Mira viejo, ese animal! exclama la señora.
Y dice el borrachito:
No se preocupe, señora, lo traigo agarrado.
03
Jul
03
Jul
A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back shes crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend.
As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long!
The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket.
He also said he wants to screw me all night long!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table.
He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.
His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasnt doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.
The boyfriend says Im sorry Honey, – but Im not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer!
03
Jul
Two men walked into a bar.
You would think at least one of them would have ducked.
03
Jul
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself,
hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
03
Jul
Whats long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night?
A last name.
03
Jul
In front of a New Hampshire restaurant
Now serving live lobsters
On the menu of a restaurant
Blackened bluefish
In a Maine restaurant
Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a New Jersey restaurant
Open seven days a week and weekends.
On the walls of a Baltimore estate
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
— Sisters of Mercy
On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store
Thirty-eight years on the same spot.
In a New York drugstore
We dispense with accuracy.
In a New York medical building
Mental Health Prevention Center
On a New York convalescent home
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church
In a funeral parlor
Ask about our layaway plan.
In a clothing store
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
Outside a country shop
We buy junk and sell antiques.
In a Tacoma, Washington mens clothing store
15 mens wool suits – $100 – They wont last an hour!
In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers
Parking for birds only.
In the vestry of a New England church
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is
extinguished
In a laundry room
Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage.
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at OHare Field in Chicago
Do not activate with wet hands.
In a New Hampshire jewelry store
Ears pierced while you wait.
In a New York restaurant
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin
Crap – .79/lb.
In a Florida maternity ward
No children allowed.
In the offices of a loan company
Ask about our plans for owning your home.
At a number of US military bases
Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of You are my one and only valentine cards
Now available in multi-packs
In the window of an Oregon general store
Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
In a Pennsylvania cemetary
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
graves.
On the grounds of a private school
No trespassing without permission.
In a library
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops
taking it away.
On a Tennessee highway
Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
In front of a New Hampshire car wash
If you cant read this, its time you wash your car.
On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon
Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help.
A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from
the Transbay bus terminal
Terminal Drugs
From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket
If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell
a crew member.
On a delicatessen wall
Our best is none too good
On a roller caoster
Watch your head
On a Maine shop
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
workmanship.
In downtown Boston
Callahan Tunnel / No end.
A sign on a front yard in York, Maine
Inexpensive, Quality Daycare – Openings Day and Night.
03
Jul
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macys, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "Id like to buy a bra for my wife"What type of bra?" asked the clerk."Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?""Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.Confused, the man asked what the types were.The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"The lady responded, "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.”
02
Jul
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent? And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, How, Dear?
And Dot replied, I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriahs Pony Stable (UPS).
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy.
A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abrahams drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Coms trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others. And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known eBay he said, we need a name that reflects what we are, and Dot replied, Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.
YAHOO, said Abraham. And that is how it all began, It wasnt Al Gore after all.
02
Jul
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver: Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?
The bus driver shakes his head and says, No, Im sorry.
Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters:
Will it take ME?
============
10 Blonde Science Fair Projects:
10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?
9) Is lighter fluid flammable?
What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?
7) Are knives sharp?
6) Can sharks hurt a human?
5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?
4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?
3) Can I go through a brick wall?
2) Can dogs talk?
1) Are blondes really dumb?
02
Jul
Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Playoffs?
A: The Dallas Cowboys
Q: How many players did the Cowboys dress for their last game?
A: 22. The rest dressed themselves.
Q: Whats Jerry Jones biggest concern?
A: Does bail money count against the salary cap?
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Whos driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why cant Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known Felons.
I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on grass.
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new Honor System.
Yes, your Honor, No, your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 8 and 8 season this year.
8 arrests, 8 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator; Johnny Cochran.
Q: Whats the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby?
A: Eventually the baby stops whining.
A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her Just get the guys jersey number and well get back to you.