How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They dont think it needs changing.
18
Apr
18
Apr
A golfer was standing in the fairway, about 140 yards out, when a frog whispered from the rough, Use an 8-iron.
The golfer, deep in concentration, pulled out his 8-iron and hit the shot. It rolled right into the cup for an eagle.
Now take me to Vegas, said the frog.
What? said the startled golfer, suddenly realizing it was a talking frog.
You heard me, repeated the frog, take me to Vegas. Im obviously a lucky fog and well make a bundle!
So the golfer picked up the frog and they flew to Vegas.
In the casino, the frog whispered, Go to the dice table and bet everything on the pass line.
The shooter rolled a seven, and the man with the frog won $100,000. Then the guy took the frog upstairs to his room and the frog said, Kiss me.
When he did, the frog turned into the most beautiful girl youve ever seen – deep blue eyes, blond hair, a beautiful smile, and 16 years old.
And I swear, Your Honor, thats how she got in my room!
17
Apr
An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.
He then asked, Who push port-a-potty over cliff?
Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, Who push port-a-potty over cliff?
Again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish. So the Indian asked again,
Who push port-a-potty over cliff?
To which the littlest Indian replied, I push port-a-potty over cliff.
The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?
The old Indian replied, Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!
17
Apr
Internet – Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
17
Apr
Q: Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A: Hes all right now.
17
Apr
A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.
A beer wont expect you to cook dinner when youre not hungry.
A beer doesnt care if you go shopping.
A beer doesnt mind when your mother visits
A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less complaining.
A beer wont tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.
If a beer had a sports car, it wouldnt love it more than you.
A beer doesnt sulk.
A beer doesnt have to sleep wiht the windows open.
A beer doesnt snore.
A beer cant interrupt.
A beer doesnt care that you cant find your cars carburetor.
A beer doesnt care that you dont balance your checkbook.
A good beer is easy to find.
A beer doesnt have friends who will drink your beer.
A beer wouldnt yell if you dented the car.
A beer wont get jealous if you enjoy another beer.
A beer wont care if you gain five pounds.
A beer doesnt want children.
If the beer is finished before you are, you can have another beer.
Hangovers go away.
A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
A beers life does not revlove around football.
A beer would never make fun of your new outfit.
A beer never needs a shave.
A beer doesnt care what toppings you get on the pizza
Just because you have dinner with a beer doesnt mean you have to sleep with a beer.
A beer doesnt have morning breath.
A beer is happy to go wherever you want to go.
A beer will never drink the last beer.
A beer will never take the newspaper apart before youve read it.
A beer will never worry about losing its hair.
A beer wont steal the covers.
You dont have to laugh at a beers jokes.
17
Apr
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
17
Apr
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I dont know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
17
Apr
Knock Knock Whos there? I wannup I wannup who? You do! I didnt need to know that!
16
Apr
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Hope!
Hope who?
Hope youll have me!