A man is complaining to his attractive blonde wife that theyre having money problems. The blonde tells him not to worry, and that she has an idea about how to make some money.
Several hours later, she comes home, and her husband asks her how much she made.
One hundred dollars and twenty-five cents, she replied proudly.
He looked at her with a confused expression and asked who gave her the quarter.
Everybody, she replied.
Okay, so this blonde is driving by in his red sports car, and he sees
another blonde rowing with oars in a cornfield.
Well, he is just absolutely furious and he gets out of the car and yells to
the blonde in the cornfield: Hey, if I knew how to swim, Id go right out
there and give you a piece of my mind!
Theres this couple and theyve been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she wont sleep with him because shes saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, hes very hot and bothered, and he said, Oh come on, just a feel.
She said, No, Im saving myself for marriage.
They went back and forth. He said, Just one feel, I promise, thats all, just one feel.
She finally agreed, Okay, just one feel, but thats all, just one, Im saving myself for marriage.
So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, Cant we please?
She of course states, NO, Im saving myself for marriage.
He says, Please, please? and she says, No, absolutely not, Im saving myself for marriage.
He says, How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?
She says, No way, Im saving myself for marriage.
He begs and pleads with her, I promise, just the tip, no more,and well stop after that.
She finally gives in, Okay, but just the tip, no more, and thats all.
He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in… hes so hot and ready that he cant control himself shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town… she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!
A little stunned, he says, NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: Thanks for the refill!
Here are some hockey player pick-up lines … which, Im sure, have never been tried on them because they hang with a better class of male species … Enjoy …
What do you say we drop the gloves and go at it?
Look, my teeth spell out I love you in block letters!
My other stick curves to the right
So this guy says he hates hockey players because they have no tact and are easily distracted, so I … Hey! Babe! Wanna do the nasty?
Bagy, yrrr so beurdiffle dat I feel I can be nacheral wif yoo.
You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things.
I said, Would you like a PUCK?
You know, less teeth means more tongue!
I may be toothless, sweaty, and all black and blue, but I make a mean quiche Loraine.
I only drool when Im standing upright.
Hi, Im Zam. How would you like a Zamboni ride?
Well if I cant score, can I get an assist?
Tho … Whatth your thighn?
Cmon baby, the iceman cometh … but never too soon.
Me take you eat
and The Number 1 Hockey Player Pick-Up Line …
Were gonna go beat up Scott Hamilton. Wanna cum?
A priest, seeing a blank signboard hanging on a lamppost wrote upon it: I pray for all.
A Solicitor wrote underneath: I plead for all.
A doctor added: I prescribe for all.
A simple citizen wrote: I pay for all.
Knock knock
Whos there?
Boo
Boo who?
Sorry I didnt mean to make you cry.
The door wont close.
How can you tell if there has been an elephant in your fridge?
There is a set of footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if two elephants have been in your fridge?
There are two sets of footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if three elephants have been in your fridge?
There are three sets of footprints in the butter.
How can you tell if four elephants have been in your fridge?
There is a red mini parked outside.
John: Knock Knock
Ron: Whos There
John: Ice Cream Soda
Ron: Ice Cream Soda Who
John: Ice Cream Soda People Can Hear Me
A mother and her young son were flying from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes? The mother said, Well, maybe thats something you could ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why dont big planes have baby planes? The stewardess responded, Did your mother tell you to ask me? The boy admitted that this was the case. Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because our airline always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you.