Old and New Jokes

Have you heard that a sequel to Brokeback Mountain is already in the works?

Their calling it Butte Crack Creek.

(Gotta love them Brokeback Mountain jokes, huh?)

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.

He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, I dont know, Im only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling.

He tried switching to cold water and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. Say, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better.

Really? answered the doctor, I dont understand it. My maid said to use hot water.

A guy says, Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking Im getting smaller!
Doctor replies, Well, youll just have to be a little patient.

From a year-end planning guide published by Richard L. Hodge, CPA of
Northboro MA:

It has been said that the only real tax shelter is death. Thats
because a decedents assets are revalued at their fair market value
at the date of death…

If the total value of an estate exceeds $600,000, there may be an
estate tax. That is paid by the estate before the heirs get anything.
Massachusetts estate tax applies to amounts in excess of $50,000, but
that has been changed and will gradually increase to the $600,000
exemption by 1996. A good planning strategy is to defer death until
at least 1996.

Yo mama so bald even a wig wouldnt help!

Its the spending stupid!

A man marry one of three sisters.

Unfortunatelly, within a year or so she dies and he calls her parents to tell how terribly sorry he feels. Then he asks if he could marry their second daughter.

Well, they cant blaim him for being a bad husband to their child and they let him to have the second sister. Again, she prematurely passes away leaving him a widower, he calls his wifes parents to tell them what happened and asks if they wouldnt let him to marry their third daughter, what they do.

After a short period of time, the man calls the parents and says: You will laugh but your third daughter had died, too!

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hells Angels bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old mans pie and then took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old mans milk and then he took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old mans plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a muttering word of protest, the old man gets up from his seat and quietly leaves the diner.

Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, Humph, not much of a man, was he!

And the waitress replied, Not much of a truck driver either.

He just backed his truck over three motorcycles!

Un adolescente, de unos 17 años, vuelve a su casa con una gran sonrisa en la cara. Su padre, extrañado le pregunta:

¿Por qué vienes tan contento, hijo?

¡Es que he tenido mi primera relación sexual, papá!

Sorprendido y entusiasmado, el padre le dice:

¡Muy bien! Ven, siéntate aquí y cuéntamelo todo.

¡Uf, si pudiera sentarme con el culo como lo tengo ahora!

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.



Doctor: What was your dream about?

Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!



Doctor: (giggles quitely) So… what is the scenery like?

Blonde: I was running in a hall way.



Doctor: Then what happened?



Blonde: Well thats the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I cant open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldnt budge!



Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

Blonde: Yes it did.



Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

Blonde: It said Pull