REDMOND, WASHINGTON – In an effort to dispell confusion surrounding Microsofts upcoming new version of Windows, Microsoft annouced today that it would rename the upgrade – formerly known as Windows 95 – to WinEver.
There seemed to be a great deal of anxiety about when the product would ship. We felt it was in the best interest of our users to free them from this anxiety, said a Microsoft spokesperson who requested to remain anonymous.
Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision. WinEver will free Windows users from space and time constraints. It also gives Windows a new timeless quality, said a member of Ziff-Davis Publishings Editorial Staff. This is precisely why OS/2 is failing in the marketplace – they have failed to deliver a strategy for their product.
When asked when WinEver would be available, a Microsoft spokesperson said Whenever. The spokesperson added It really doesnt matter since WinEver is destined to be the most powerful and popular operating system ever. Market and industry analysts quickly agreed adding that WinEver has already revolutionized the industry.
A spokesperson from IBM disagreed however. Microsoft is still trying to sell a product that doesnt exist. IBM has been shipping a 32-bit operating system since 1992 that runs todays DOS, Windows and OS/2 applications in a stable 32-bit environment with an advanced user interface. WinEver – or WhatEver its called now – still relies on DOS device drivers and is not a true 32-bit OS unlike OS/2. He added that users who think that WinEver will have no compatibility problems will be in for a surprise.
Most users seem to remain unconvinced however. WinEver will run everything and it wont have any bugs or compatibility problems because its from Microsoft. Why should I buy OS/2 which is less than perfect when WinEver is right around the corner?
In a related story, IBM has reportedly been working on incorporating WinEver compatibility into a future version of OS/2. Microsoft was quick to express fear, uncertainty and doubt in regards to IBMs chances of success. IBM is chasing a moving target and without the source code. Industry analysts and the media agreed adding that this is yet another example of OS/2s failing strategy.
Posted in Computer |
One more Lincoln story that came to mind:
As a young lawyer, Lincoln was pleading a case and asked a witness (appropos of what I do not recall, though perhaps the use of heresay evidence): How many legs does a cow have?
The man grinned at the foolish question and said, Four, of course.
And how many legs would the cow have if we called her tail a leg, continued Lincoln.
With a partonizing sneer, the witness replied, Five.
No, my friend, shed still have four. Just calling her tail a leg doesnt make it a leg.
Posted in Lawyer |
Top ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab
7. Mutter repeatedly, Not again… not again… not again.
6. When its very quiet, suddenly cry out, My eyes!
5. Deny the existence of chemicals.
Posted in Science |
A man dies in the act after taking viagra and rigor mortis has set into his private parts.
The funeral director cant get the coffin lid nailed on and has to discuss the alternatives with the mans beautiful young widow. Im afraid that the only way to get the lid on is either to pay another $3,000 for an extra large coffin or to amputate his member.
Well I have no more money, states the widow, and it is against my religion for me to bury my husband in more than one piece.
The funeral director thinks about this and then comes up with a brain-wave: Hell amputate the member and then stick it up the deceaseds backside, in which case a more expensive coffin is unnecessary and the husband will still be, in a manner of speaking, in the one piece. The widow reluctantly
agrees.
On the day of the funeral, the deceased is displayed in an open casket. As the mourners file by, one mourner places flowers on the coffin and a drop of water from the flowers falls onto the deceaseds face, looking for all the world like a teardrop. The next mourner to file by is the widow. She looks down at her lifeless husband, notices the teardrop and says to him
quietly, See, I told you it hurts!
Posted in Tasteless |
Q: What do you call a prostitute with no legs?
A: Cash and Carry
Posted in General / Unsorted |
The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men dont mature. So you might as well marry a younger one.
Posted in Love and marriage |
Interchangable parts wont.
Posted in Business |
Because chickens hadnt been invented yet.
Posted in Riddles |
A woman in Baton Rouge, Louisiana is suing Nintendo for unspecified damages
after her thirty year old son died during a marathon session on his N64.
Apparently the unfortunate man died after hitting his head on a table during a
seizure while playing with the console. While this was obviously a tragic loss
for the family involved, its hard to feel much sympathy for them once you start
to read the details of the accident.
According to the report from the Associated Press, the man first started
suffering seizures after buying his N64 in 1999, but ignoring this inconvenience
he carried on playing on the console for anything up to eight hours a day, six
days a week.
This despite the now standard epilepsy warning that comes with every Nintendo
game, informing players that some people may have seizures or black outs
triggered by light flashes, such as while playing video games, even if they have
never had a seizure before. The warning adds that anyone who has had a
seizure, loss of awareness, or other symptom linked to an epileptic condition
should consult a doctor before playing a video game, and ends by suggesting in
big capital letters that you should stop playing immediately if you experience
any of these symptoms while using the console.
Its also hard to see how the woman can seriously expect to sue Nintendo for
her sons lost future earnings when he was a thirty year old who spent 48
hours a week sat in front of the TV playing Mario.
Nintendo are understandably denying any responsibility for the death, although
in a similar case last year (also in Louisiana) a jury decided that the company
did not provide an adequate warning concerning the risk of seizures. They did
however determine that the console in question (a SNES) was not unreasonably
dangerous in design. Which is nice to know.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Un dÃa Juan se sintió seguro sobre su vocación y entró al Monasterio del Silencio. El principal del Monasterio al darle la bienvenida le dijo: Hermano, seas bienvenido y puedes permanecer aquà todo el tiempo que quieras, pero la regla es que no puedes hablar a menos que yo te de permiso.
El hermano Juan vivió en el monasterio durante un año sin decir una palabra, hasta que un dÃa el principal le dijo: Hermano, ya has vivido un año con nosotros, asà que puedes decir dos palabras, recuerda, solamente dos palabras.
Cama dura, dijo Juan.
Siento mucho oir eso. Te asignaremos una cama mejor.
Un año despues, el hermano Juan fue llamado nuevamente por el principal: Puedes decir ahora otras dos palabras, hermano.
Comida fria, balbucea el pobre Juan.
En su tercer aniversario en el monasterio, el principal volvió a llamar al hermano: Dos palabras puedes decir hoy hermano Juan.
¡Yo renuncio!, exclamó Juan.
Es lo mejor que puedes hacer, le respondió el principal, ¡porque lo único que has hecho desde que llegaste es quejarte de todo!
Posted in Chistes chistosos |