Knock Knock
Whos there?
Bertha!
Bertha who?
Bertha-day greetings!
04
May
04
May
A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: How many people here believe in ghosts? About 90 students raise their hands.
Well thats a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think youve ever seen a ghost? About 40 students raise their hands.
Thats really good. Im really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.
Thats a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost? 3 students raise their hands.
Thats fantastic. But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?
One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, Son, all the years Ive been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. Youve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.
The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, Well, tell us what its like to have sex with a Ghost.
The student replies, Ghost?!? I thought you said goats!
04
May
Q: What is long, hard, and filled with semen?
A: A submarine.
04
May
Q: Whats long, black, and never ends?
A: The unemployment line!
Q: What cant you give a black person?
A: A black eye, fat lip, or a job!
04
May
The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:
– has to work hard;
– has to work at great depths;
– has to work upside down;
– has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work;
– has to work in a high humidity environment;
– has to work at high temperatures;
– does not get weekends and holidays off;
– does not get time off after extra hours of work;
– has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness.
Request DENIED for the following reasons:
– does not work 8 hours in a row;
– does not answer immediately to all requests;
– does not have a degree;
– after a short activity period, falls asleep at work;
– shows no fidelity to the workplace;
– retires too early;
– does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
– does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work.
04
May
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks:
Doctor, how long before we can have sex?
The doctor replies, Id wait until hes at least 14.
03
May
6. Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning.
03
May
Entra un hombre al consultorio de un médico y le explica su problema:
Doctor, verá, mi problema es que tengo un testÃculo de madera y otro de acero.
¿QUEEEE?, exclama el doctor, no puede ser posible.
SÃ, tengo un testÃculo de madera y otro de acero.
Esto no lo puedo creer.
En serio, si desea se los muestro.
Efectivamente, se baja los pantalones y ¡zas!, uno de madera y uno de acero.
Asombroso, exclama el doctor mientras los examina meticulosamente, pero que pena por usted que nunca podrá tener hijos.
Cómo que no?, si tengo ya dos hijos, y están en la recepción.
No puede ser, hágalos pasar.
El paciente se incorpora y grita:
¡¡PINOCHO, ROBOCOB, PASEN!!
03
May
Estaban dos gavilanes fumando marihuana, cuando llega un pollito y les dice:
¿Qué es eso?
¡Marihuana, pollito!
¡Yo quiero!
Estás loco, pollito, tu eres muy pequeño para estas cosas.
Yo quiero probar, solo un poquito, ¡por favor!
¡Que no pollito, que NO!
¡Yo quiero! ¡Yo QUIERO! ¡YO QUIERO!
Está bien pollito, toma la colilla solamente.
Shhhhh… ¡No siento nada!
Pero pollito, ¿cómo que no sientes nada? ¡eso es marihuana!, bueno pollito ¡toma uno entero!
Shhhhh… ¡No siento nada!
Pero pollito, cómo que no sientes nada, ¡toma el segundo!
Shhhhh… ¡No siento nada!
¡Pero pollito, llevas DOS!, ¿cómo que no sientes nada pollito?
No siento nada… ¡Ni las paticas… ni las alitas… ni el piquito!
03
May
What time is it when an elephant sits in your chair?
Time to get a new chair.