The editors of The Seattle Times couldnt resist running (pardon the pun) the following story on the front page yesterday. They also couldnt decide on a headline so they gave the story two.
CUSTOMER REFUND HIGHLY IRREGULAR
MAN ASKS FOR $2 FROM EX-LAX; TAKES $98,002 AND RUNS
By Richard Seven
Seattle Times Staff Reporter
Authorities are searching for a former Kent man they say found relief in the form of an erroneous $98,002 refund from the makers of Ex-Lax.
Barry Lyn Stoller, 38, wrote a letter demanding the maker of the laxative reimburse him the $1.99 he paid for a package of the product after, he claimed, it failed to work, according to first-degree theft charges filed in King County Superior Court.
The New Jersey-based Sandoz Corp. immediately issued a refund check, but mistakenly wrote the amount to correspond not to the $1.99 cost but to Stollers zip code, 98032.
King County prosecutors allege Stoller deposited the check, withdrew the money eight days later, closed his account and left the area without a trace. A private investigator, hired by the company, informed Kent Police that Stoller had moved out of his Kent-Auburn-area apartment and left no forwarding address.
A bank official eventually identified Stoller as the man to whom she paid $98,002 in cash.
An arrest warrant was issued when Stoller, a former drywaller, failed to show up for his arraignment this month.
Posted in General / Unsorted |
On a sunny morning Fred woke up. His wife sat beside him, looking very angry.
Who is Martha!? she shouted, spit it out!
Calm down, Fred said, whats your problem?
My problem is: you called her name I think six times while you slept! WHO IS SHE?
Oh, shes a horse I bet on last week.
So they did their things and when Fred came home from work that night, his wife looked at him.
Whats the deal? Fred asked.
Your horse called, his wife replied …
Posted in General / Unsorted |
In Virginia a helicopter was cruising fast at tree top level when the engine quit, too low to auto-rotate, the helicopter plunged into a small lake where three boys happened to be fishing.
The boys who were at the lake saw the whole thing happen. They swam to the site of the crash, looked in the wreckage and saw that the pilot and copilot were both dead. The lone passenger was unconscious and barely alive. They pulled him out, took him to shore, and gave him artificial
respiration – saving his life.
Within a few minutes there were several helicopters circling the area and one of them landed. A guy got out who seemed to be in charge and came up to the boys, he congratulated them for saving President Clinton!
Boys, said the man, you just saved the leader of our country! You each deserve a reward. You name it, and Ill give it to you.
The first boy said, I really want a pair of Nike Air Jordans.
The man replied, Michael Jordan is a close personal friend of mine. Ill get everyone in your family 10 pairs of Nikes each.
The second boy said, Id like to go to Disneyland.
The man said, I know Michael Eisner very well. Ill see that your entire family has an all expense paid trip to Disneyland.
The man turns to the third boy and asked what he would like.
The boy answered saying, Id like a mahogany wood coffin, bagpipe music and a fly over by the Thunderbirds at my funeral service.
Funeral service? asked the puzzled man. What in the world are you talking about?
The kid replied When my father finds out who I saved hes going to kill me!
Posted in Political |
If you can read this
Youre not from here
Posted in Political |
What is the square root of 69?
Ate something.
Posted in Math |
Two men are driving through Philadelphia when they get pulled over by a Highway Patrolman. The cop walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver asks, What the hell was that for?
The cop answers, Youre in Philadelphia son.
When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car. The driver says, Im sorry, Officer, Im not from around here.
The cop runs a check on the guys license, and hes clean. He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
The passenger asks, Whatd you do that for?
The cop says, Just making your wish come true.
The passenger asks, Making what wish come true?
The cop says, I know that two miles down the road youre gonna say to your buddy, I wish that asshole wouldve tried that shit with me!
Posted in General / Unsorted |
An old man walks into a church, and goes for a confession.
The priest pulls back the window, and the old man says:Forgive me father, for I have sinned
The priest says: Tell me, my son….
The old man explains: I am 80 years old, and I have recently started a relationship with a woman of 25. She is absolutely gorgeous, and we have been having unbelievable sex 3 or 4 times a day, every day…I can almost not catch my breath…its a mind-blowing experience
The priest then asks: How long has this relationship been going on?
The old man replies: About 2 months…
The priest then asks: When was the first time that you confessed this relationship?
The old man replies:Today
The priest asks:Why is this the first time?
The old man explains:Actually this is my first ever confession…
The priests (naturally) asks: Why?
The old man explains: Well, actually, Im Jewish…
The priest is exasperated…In that case, why are you telling me…???!
The old man explains…
Im telling EVERYBODY…..!!!
Posted in Jewish |
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.
A man comes in and asks the farmer, Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting
drunk?
Farmer: Some things you just cant explain.
Man: So what happened thats so horrible?
Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Ok, but thats not so bad.
Farmer: Some things you just cant explain.
Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.
Man: Again?
Farmer: Some things you just cant explain.
Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.
Man: Hmmm…
Farmer: Some things you just cant explain.
Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didnt have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in…..
Posted in General / Unsorted |
Q: How many members of the royal family does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Actually none. As your queen I would like to reassure the people of the commonwealth that while our family may have had our Annus Horribilis and while some of us may have screwed in the stables or in the mud, none of us, to my knowledge, have actually screwed in a lightbulb.
Posted in Lightbulb |
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Olivia!
Olivia who?
Olivia but I lost the key!
Posted in Knock-knock |